Highlights of the Week: #27
6th November 2016
#LionessMama Round-Up – Week 3!
7th November 2016

No Spark. No Chance.

hands holding a sparkler
A few weeks ago I published my recent experience with online dating in “Do You Want A C*ck Shot Babe?!” and needless to say my experience hadn’t been overly positive had it? In fact I ended up needing a bloody disclaimer before talking to anymore, but if you remember, right at the end I mentioned I did in fact have a date and so many of you expressed an interest in what happened that we find ourselves here – my follow up post….

couple-en-train-de-sembrasser

I swear, you could not have created a more “perfect” guy for me… it was literally like he had been popped out of a “made for Katie” mould and had all the qualities I was looking for. We had been chatting 24/7 for five days prior to the date and had gotten to know an awful lot about each other. We had decided because of both his work and my babysitting needs that we would meet for a coffee and a walk, so I got up before Alyssa and put make-up on in what felt like the first time in forever, did my hair and decided to wear it down (another first in a long time which all mummies with long hair will understand). Strategically dressed, gave Alyssa a kiss and headed out the door.

hand stirring coffee

I felt sicker and sicker and did arrive early so went and sat at a table that allowed me to see the door and sat sipping my coffee whilst frantically messaging friends telling them how sick with nerves I was… bare in mind it has been over 2 years since I have even been on a date let alone a “Blind Date!” My eyes flicked up when I noticed the door open and I saw him and quickly averted my eyes so that he wouldn’t see that I had seen him, rapidly texted my friends and had just finished when this figure holding a tray with a cup of tea on appeared in front of me!

man and woman kissing over coffee

To be honest, within minutes I had completely forgotten my nerves and we talked like we had in messages getting more in depth information from each other than we previously had, laughing and joking and it was nice and easy with no awkward silences at all. One we had finished our drinks we decided to go for a walk around the town as it had been a while since either of us had lived in or near this town and a lot had changed. We did a few circuits, talking continuously and still laughing until before we knew it a few hours had passed and he needed to start work and I needed to get back for Alyssa. He gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye and we both parted smiling.woman's hand holding a blank screened phone with painted nails

I messaged him once I had gotten back to the car thanking him for a lovely time and asking him if he would like to go out again sometime. I knew that I would, although it wasn’t an over whelming physical attraction when I had seen him, I liked the way he looked and more importantly I loved his personality and we really seemed to click. I popped my phone away and drove home and funnily enough once I was there Alyssa gave me a cuddle, said “Bott Bott” which is her word for bottle and a nap and we had a cuddle and I put her down and obviously hadn’t had a chance to look at my phone.

Once she was down, I grabbed my phone out of my bag saw the tell tale flashing light and opened my messages excitedly, eager to plan another date… then BOOM! “I had a great time but didn’t feel a spark so no thanks but nice to meet you.” Oh, right okay…. How had I misjudge a woman holding her head blurredthat so badly then? Had I been the only one on the date?! Don’t get me wrong he was perfectly pleasant about it but honestly I was completely shocked.

My mind of course then went into over drive, trying to think of a reason he may not have wanted a date; you’re too fat, not pretty enough, you have a child, you’re not 18, you’re not clever enough, he may not consider blogging a real job’ you live at home… completely ripping myself to shreds which he himself hadn’t done. It could of course have just been what he had said and he didn’t feel a “spark,” but let me ask you something, can you really feel a true spark from just having coffee with someone?!

In this MTV world we live in it seems that people want fireworks; BOOM, WHIZZ, CRASH, BANG straight away tumblr_o8untfngxe1v4yqceo1_1280and if it doesn’t happen within the first 5 seconds then they write that person off as a no go and move on. My ex is a prime example of this… where I have had 1 date recently, he has had something close to 50 apparently!! What is wrong with taking the time to get to know someone and seeing if something develops?! I used to be one of those girls who was looking for fireworks and fairytales, but actually what I want is something real and that “realness” takes time. I have to say, I am not sure anyone feels flirty over coffee in their converse and an oversized woollen cardi… maybe that was the mistake, maybe we should have gone for a drink or dinner in the evening when all the dating hormones and “skills” kick in?!

 

woman looking out at the sea. facing away from the camera

 

I think it is rather sad that someone judge my eligibility for a relationship on one cup of coffee and a walk around the town… surely I deserved more than that didn’t I? I was told that is the nature of dating nowadays and people are too impatient and they want a “smash” relationship; open the packet, pour on the hot water and boom you got yourself a 2.4 family. So for now, I’ll be ordering myself an electric blanket to keep me warm at night until someone decides that I warrant more than a latte. What do you think? Tell me there’s hope for me yet?!

If you enjoyed this why not check out Personal Ad: Blogger Seeks Husband or My Soulmate: The One I Loved. The One I Lost!

25 Comments

  1. A lovely written post. I just wish it had a better ending for you. You really can’t get to know some one after just one coffee and a walk. Xx

  2. You’ll have to excuse me as I’ve had some bad news of my own and been on the wine but: fuck him. Sorry but only a shallow piece of shit would judge someone on some sort of spark nonsense after just 1 date. And so shitty to to send a text like that. You’re better off without someone like that and I hope you find someone who will appreciate you.

  3. Rhian Harris says:

    I used to get hung up on guys and question EVERYTHING about what was wrong with me and why they didn’t feel the same. Then one day, I read that book ‘He’s just not that into you’ and it all clicked into place. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing wrong, but he’s just not there. In which case, it’s better to know up front so that you don’t waste anymore of your own time or get messed around. Don’t fret – he’s probably done you a favour, and you can move on to someone else that is right for you. #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Awwww, such a shame! He sounded so nice…… I hope your knight in shining armour shows up soon. Sarah #ablogginggoodtime

  5. Well firstly that is one lucky hot blanket and secondly absolutely his loss. He wasn’t the right one my lovely and when you meet the right one you will totally and utterly understand that I promise xx #ablogginggoodtime

  6. Michelle says:

    I completely understand this. While I hadn’t been much into online dating, Facebook seemed to be the place where I found people. Mostly old classmates of mine since I only friend people I know in some form on there but it always ended in disaster. In the end all they were really interested in were nude pictures and a one night stand. Not my thing. Some of them were relentless about it too. I had to block them because they were so disrespectful. It really made me put some serious walls up. Then there was this time when this guy messaged me from Google. I have a google+ account. Anyway, I said hello and next thing I know he’s asking me to marry him and relocate and take care of his child…That was just too much. So I gave up on trying to meet anyone. Then of all places, while playing a video game on the xbox (yes, I am a gamer), I met this really awesome guy. We clicked right away. At this point, I hadn’t dated in 4 years. I wouldn’t say there was a spark right away. In fact, when we had our first video chat, I didn’t feel much at all but I did take the time to get to know him and two months later, we are still dating. It’s a long distance thing (another thing I never thought I’d do) but so far it’s amazing and I really enjoy talking to him.In fact, the distance is actually allowing us to get to know each better than I ever did anyone else I ever dated. Now there is a spark. You’re right. Sometimes it takes time to find that spark. My guy and I had already had an immediate connection but the spark took a bit. I think that you will find someone who will want to take the time to get to know you. That guy will be worth it. I believe there is definitely hope for you so keep moving forward and he will come along. #ablogginggoodtime

  7. His loss! He will find someone with a spark and it will fizzle out soon enough and he’ll keep moving on to the next bird with a spark.
    You on the other hand, like a good wine want a maturing relationship one that you build a good foundation on. You will meet your man. Don’t lose hope, but for now enjoy your blanket and lattes #ablogginggoodtime

  8. I totally agree, spending time and getting to know a person is a much better basis for a relationships than a wham bam, thankyou mam! His loss!

    #ablogginggoodtime

  9. This was really a great read darling

    #ablogginggoodtime

  10. sorry this story didn’t end well. Whats that phrase about having to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your prince? Good for you for getting out there though. Don’t give up #blogginggoodtime

  11. Lucy At Home says:

    This makes me so sad – you are totally right – a relationship cannot be judged on a single coffee. My hubby and I have been together for 11 years now, but the first time we met, he flatly turned me down in favour of going to the pub with his friends (not much spark there then!). But if a guy is expecting spark on the first date then he’s not right – it says to me that he’s not going to be putting effort into the relationship. What a horrible experience for you, though 🙁 #ABloggingGoodTime

  12. Dating his brutal at times and very judgy, it is better if there are no sparks though. I can’t live without my electric blanket at the moment X #ablogginggoodtime

  13. Chloe Weir says:

    Stay strong mama #ablogginggoodtime

  14. Petite Words says:

    Sweety, I think thank goodness he WAS honest (all be it a tad cutting!) because many people continue on even when they’re doubtful, and it can cause a lot of pain later on… I think there needs to be a mutual enchanted even on the first date. But this is just one guy and he obviously wasn’t your guy (: xxxx

  15. Petite Words says:

    poping over from #ablogginggoodtime (:

  16. I think films and TV have a lot to blame for making people expect that their real relationships should start with fireworks. I agree it takes more than a coffee to get to know someone. #ablogginggoodtime

  17. Sonia says:

    Oh bless you! It must be so hard to put yourself out there and have to deal with such a shallow rejection. I agree, how could you really make an informed decision in such a short time? I’m sure the right guy is out there for you xx #ablogginggoodtime

  18. One of my best friends has been online dating recently and it has been awful for her, but another friend meet an amazing guy and is really happy, so i guess it is a mixed bunch. The whole c*** shot thing is just so violating, sorry you had to deal with that! Don’t give up on love it will be out there xx #ablogginggoodtime

  19. I’m so sorry this didn’t have a better ending. He’s done you a favour though, someone who can judge that quickly is not the right guy for you so at least you are not wasting any more time on him. Don’t give up hun, you’ll find the one x
    #Ablogginggoodtime

  20. Don’t lose hope there will be a silver lining for you soon. As tough as it may seem it was probably best he let you down at the outset rather than further down the line. Have to say I never been a believer in the immediate spark. I couldn’t stand my second husband when I first met him so I do believe in giving people a second chance. #ablogginggoodtime

  21. Helena says:

    Awww don’t beat yourself up. If there’s someone out there I’m sure they’ll make an appearance when the time is right. Enjoy pursuing your passions and having fun with your little girl. #ablogginggoodtime

  22. Ah that’s a shame. I don’t believe in sparks – they’re over before they’ve begun . His loss , as I’m sure you know ! #ablogginggoodtime

  23. What an idiot. I’m sorry because you clearly like him, but he is bonkers for not giving it more time especially as you seemed to have talked for so long and got on well. I am a strong believer in things can take time to develop. My husband and I were friends for a year before we dated and now he is not only my best friend but my husband. He clearly wasn’t right for you but someone out there is. Xx #ablogginggoodtime

  24. Crummy Mummy says:

    Oh no! It sounds like this guy was rather hasty – I think these things grow rather than being instant. When I first met Misery Guts I don’t remember being attracted to him at all!! #ablogginggoodtime

  25. John Lewis Quigley says:

    I had the exact same experience. Texting for a month, walk about town and a cup of coffee then boom had a really good time enjoyed the craic but I don’t feel a spark.

    I really loved this article cause I spent the whole night going over things in my head. I text back saying ‘you have not met the real me’ and I ‘have not met the real you yet’. I was not even looking for a spark.

    Texting everyday for a month, it’s such a waste of time. I think people should spend more time trying to get to know people.

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