Joining the Waga-Mamas!
24th October 2017
#ABloggingGooodTime Week 68
26th October 2017

I’m Addicted to You

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I think I’m quite unfortunate in the fact that I have an addictive personality. I’m not bigging myself up here – I don’t mean that people get addicted to my personality because it is so amazeballs (though, y’know, if the shoe fits…) I mean that my personality finds it quite easy to get addicted to things. Once again, I think my waistline is testament for this as I’d say I was a food addict. I use food for any given situation – celebrating? Cook a nice meals, order a takeaway, go out to eat. Sad? Stuff your face with junk food to make you feel better. Socialising? Let’s go for ice cream. The list goes on and it is a pretty unhealthy way to live and one that I am desperately trying to do something about. One thing that has definitely fueled by food addiction is the fact that I gave up another addiction. I used to smoke. I used to smoke ALOT. It didn’t help that my housemate and I both did it and socialised a lot, so there was always cause to smoke. However, I did it. I stopped. I’m not here to preach but as it’s “Stoptober” I did not think I could let the month pass without saying something at least…

a woman in a blue hoodie with a cigarette to her mouth, smoke all around her and half her face appearing skull like

As I said, I am not here to preach – if you want to smoke or are not in the right head space to listen the click away. Believe me I know how you feel. I smoke at University then quit really easily. Then took it up again when I was studying for my teaching qualification then quit again. Started again when I lived in Italy, quit when I came home. Then moved in with my housemate and began again. Stoptober came and went a few times and I didn’t stop at all. I just carried on and for a number of years, hid it very well from my family. There were years in between stopping and starting, but it wasn’t until the final time I began again when I realised I truly was addicted.

I tried to stop a couple of times the last time and I just couldn’t do it. Why? The truth is I didn’t really want to. I was doing it because I felt I had to. I was also going cold turkey which I’m not sure every truly works and I also hated that I was replacing smoking with food and I DID NOT want to put on weight again. Then I got pregnant and it all changed.Tobacco cigarette crushed under electronic cigarette

Smoking no longer affected just me. It affected the life that was growing inside of me and for every drag on a cigarette, that was a breath my little bean was not getting. That it needed to get to survive. I am NOT going to lie, it was hard at first because I was going cold turkey and had I not been pregnant I probably would have used a e-cigarette this time to gradually wean myself off of cigarettes. Fortunately, I got to about 12 weeks pregnant and suddenly found the smell of the smoke made me want to vomit – I am not suggesting pregnancy as a form of addiction treatment just FYI.

Weirdly, three months after giving birth, I suddenly wanted a cigarette again. I didn’t have one and just to let you cigarette smoke on a black backgroundknow I still haven’t. It doesn’t matter that I am no longer pregnant – that little group of cells is now a fully grown and learning toddler who sees and takes everything in. I do not want her to see me smoke and think that it is okay. Her father smokes, though never in front of her or when visiting her or taking her out which I’m thankful for, because like me we don’t want to do anything to encourage our little one to smoke. Why would we? Yes there are people that go their whole lives smoking twenty a day and die at the ripe old age of 99, happy in their bed. However, what if Alyssa smoked and happened to be one of those people that died young. Much younger than she should. All because her parents let her think that smoking was okay. She’s still growing. I’m still growing her and therefore I will protect her.

close up of a hand holding a smoking cigarette whole picture in black and white

I won’t ever have another cigarette again. I know if I do it won’t just be the one. Sat here writing this post and talking about cigarettes, three years on from my last one, I can still feel the desire to sit down and have just one. I know why – it’s because I am tired, stressed, worn down and also trying not to eat. My body feels like it needs a crux. Something to support it. Well sorry body, but you’re going to have to stand on your own two feet!
If you want to talk to someone about quitting smoking, there are so many people who can help. I’LL HELP! Pop me a message and I’ll happily be your rant buddy/crux. Or there are so many different things that can help – patches, medicine, counselling the list is endless – There is even an App and Professionals you can speak to via Facebook Messenger.

If your head is in the right place right now then do it. Please

stoptober sign

*This is a collaborative post – all opinions and experiences are my own.

 

17 Comments

  1. Great post. Honest, real and thought provoking. x

  2. I’m really glad that I never started smoking – I have so many friends who have quit so many times only to start again. It’s great that you were able to stop long-term. #ablogginggoodtime

  3. Well done for giving up! And for not going back to it either. It’s not easy. And hopefully some other smokers will read this and follow in your footsteps! #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Rach says:

    Well done for giving up. I’m nearly 13 months into my abstention and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and I was properly addicted. #ablogginggoodtime

  5. Well done you! I have never smoked so have no real concept of how hard it is to give up, but really hope your post encourages others #ablogginggoodtime x

  6. jodie filogomo says:

    Good for you. Any addiction is hard, so it takes a strong person to give it up!
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    #ablogginggoodtime

  7. I tried to stop smoking so many times and always caved but then one day I just decided I’d had enough, I was ready. I stopped there & then, no patches, gum or anything. I think once you’ve REALLY made that decision to stop, then you can #ablogginggoodtime

  8. Aleena says:

    I’m so glad you’ve written this. It’s the post I’ve always wanted to write but never have. I used to smoke – a lot! I too quit when I fell pregnant, but the want will never ever go away for me. It’s only the thought of my kids seeing me and following in my footsteps that stops me from popping to the shop right now. I will always be a smoker, and by that I mean I’ll always want to smoke. But I wont, and that’s only because of my kids. Well done for writing this… and well done for quitting! #ablogginggoodtime

  9. Nita says:

    Congratulations and well done! You have done so well and I know you will continue this because mummy’s are strong and will do anything to protect their brood. Fighting an addiction isn’t easy and I take my hat off to you. #ablogginggoodtime

  10. I still smoke, not a lot, but more than I should. As an X ray tech it’s something I see the results of often and still can’t bring myself to stop completely. Its a problem #blogginggoodtime

  11. Bravo and Mazel Tov! You are taking a step forward for health! Of you, the air, the environment. I believe in you! #ablogginggoodtime

  12. Lucy At Home says:

    It’s amazing how we can do things for our kids that we never thought were possible! I know what you mean about being an addictive personality because I’m like that too. But with the right motivation (and our kids health is always going to be a massive one!), it’s possible. Well done for quitting, #ablogginggoodtime

  13. Helena says:

    I have never smoked but know what putting on weight is like. Being border line Diabetic means looking at what you drink as well as eat. Sometimes we think we are hungry but in fact we are thirsty. I now don’t take on juices or fizz unless eating out. I also try to eat limited carbs but I struggle with a sweet tooth for cake. #ablogginggoodtime

  14. Congrats on sticking to the lack of smoking! I quit shortly before getting married (fell pregnant 4 months after) as I didnt want to fall pregnant and be a smoker. But it turns out one night at a BBQ I got very drunk, smoked so many and then few weeks later fell pregnant! For me it was super hard to obstain when drinking, that for me was the hardest part of quitting and the summer pub gardens just go hand in hand with a fag and an all evening chat!! I’ve not touched one since August 2015 but I still get cravings even now! #ablogginggoodtime

  15. Crummy Mummy says:

    I’ve never smoked but Misery Guts did – he did a course to stop with a ‘buddy’ who had lung cancer & he hasn’t smoked since #ablogginggoodtime

  16. I have never smoked so I can’t imagine how hard it must be to quit. My partner is an ex smoker and he still gets bad moments when he wants a nicotine hit 🙁 #ablogginggoodtime

  17. Jaki says:

    Good for you, well done! #ablogginggoodtime

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