I’m a scroller. It’s what I do. On the odd occasion when I have answered all the notifications on my phone I’ll log onto Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and I will scroll. I picked up the really great skill of being able to speed read which means I can read a lot as I scroll through and if something catches my eye, I will stop and read the full post, comment and interact and then go back to scrolling. I swear without this skill I’d never know anything that was going on outside of my own house and work. So there I was scrolling, minding my own business, when a comment jumped out at me and caused me to stop. To quote the exact wording, “Woah, looks like the women police are out in force today!” The comment was made by a man (whom it so happens is also a blogger) on the thread of another male bloggers post. This blogger had posted about giving his child something because he had been so good. Underneath the original post, a woman happened to comment that she thought said blogger did not reward his children with food and that he had previously mentioned that this particular food was banned anyway. These were apparently cryptic words that in fact had the hidden meaning of “Let the battle of the sexes COMMENCE!”…
I don’t get it. I honestly don’t. How by questioning something she thought she knew about said daddy blogger did she warrant a sexist remark like that?! The daddy blogger who originally posted the thread commented saying he was sorry for the misunderstanding and that he had worded it badly and answered the woman’s query calmly and politely. This was then followed by a load more men jumping on board saying things like “You don’t need to explain to her!” “Don’t apologise to that woman it’s your life man!” “Bloody women think they know it all!” “This is a Dad’s blog – go back to the mummy bloggers!”
WOAH! I mean just WOAH! Since when did it become Mummy Blogger vs. Daddy Blogger and when, WHEN was it that women were only supposed to read mummy blogs and men were only supposed to read the daddy ones?! Holy crap, if that’s the case I have several fines coming my way for wrongful blogging behaviour. Surely there is enough crap like this going on in the world without it moving into the blogging community too?! Yes there are separate mummy groups, daddy groups, mummy blogger and daddy blogger groups but that doesn’t mean we are enemies or competitors! Surely these separate groups are created because the other people in them can offer direct and specific support that a more general group may not; they are not created in order to build and form an army against the other group are they? If so, I missed the memo that told me I needed to order my bazooka!
The comment about the “Women police are out in force” I felt was totally unwarranted and unnecessary and no that is not because I am a woman and defending another woman. If the woman had written horrible and vile things towards the daddy blogger that were impolite, rude and inapplicable I would be defending him instead. Do you know what the worst thing is though in this whole situation?! It’s me. I am the worst person in this scenario because I did worse than name calling or making sexist remarks or using abusive language. I did nothing. I read it. I screenshot it. I felt sorry for the woman. I felt sorry for the dad blogger. I felt angry against the men ganging up on the woman with their many many comments but I did nothing.
There was a time when I would have dived straight in, feet first, said what I thought and stood beside this woman and dad blogger and defended what both of them were saying. However, I didn’t. I was too scared. I was too scared of having the focus of these remarks turned upon me and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it if I am honest. I know these people mean nothing to me and that their comments would be said out of anger and would really when it comes down to it mean nothing but I didn’t want to read them. I didn’t want to think that there would be people out there feeling venomous towards me. I am not in the business of being a blogger so that everyone likes me – I know that is an impossible feat and I have faced my own fair amount of trolling, but I sometimes feel that my blog is my sort of armor and in this situation I would have been without it. In hindsight I actually think it was a good idea not to have said anything because I am pretty sure I would have aggravated the situation and ended up being caught in a full on battle of the sexes.
What concerns me is that perhaps the men in question are not the only ones to have this opinion. Perhaps there are more men and women out there who feel this sort of anger, resentment dare I say even hatred towards the other sex and it needs to stop. Surely we have enough problems within our government and governing bodies around the world without creating ones of our own. Whether men like it or not, in a lot of situations women are still treated as the inferior of the species and this isn’t fair. We are not asking for more than men we merely want the same. If a man had questioned the morals of the daddy blogger what would have happened? Would the man have commented with “Bloody hell men police out today?!” or would he have said “Fair point you got there mate!” or would he simply have said nothing at all?!
This isn’t the only time I have witnessed men versus women on social media and it is becoming more and more apparent amongst bloggers too. Yes being a daddy blogger is different from being a mummy blogger; they have a “d” and wehave an “m” but actually we are all just sodding parenting bloggers. Some of us write posts specifically directed towards mums or dads because that is who the post is aimed at or who may benefit from it the most. However, just because it is aimed at a specific audience that doesn’t mean we are disregarding all other bloggers, audiences, human beings… it just means that that particular post would appeal to people who happened to like fried green tomatoes.
So please, if you’re scrolling, writing, reading, posting… think about what you are writing and reading. You have every right to defend yourself, defend your morals and beliefs and of course come to the defense of others but why not do it in a way that doesn’t degrade and humiliate your opposition. Why not try putting it in a calm and rational way that will spark a conversation and healthy debate (like perhaps in a blog post…see what I did there) rather than the beginnings of World War 3. Bloggers have enough of a raw deal as it is; we are constantly fighting and justifying what we do to the outside world and striving to be thought of as more than scroungers looking for a freebie, so get down off your high horse and support each other, build each other up rather than stepping on each others shoulders to reach the top first. As for men and women…I have a strong, independent daughter who I will encourage to do and be anything she wants to be when she grows up. I will also encourage her to be an equal and to treat others as equals. Think of the examples we are setting for our children and before you hit enter ask yourself, would you be happy for your child to have written or read what you just wrote?!
It’s not about men vs. women or mummy blogger vs. daddy blogger. Let’s cut the crap and just be us!