piece of stone with daddy on it
Fathers Day Gift Guide 2019
1st June 2019
Before You Start School
4th June 2019
alyssa looking up at the sky
I’m sat here feeling two things; all the rage that makes me want to scream, curse and say things I shouldn’t and then also complete and utter devastation and sadness. Which is stupid really because in the grand scheme of things, what has happened doesn’t matter. Alyssa will never know, it isn’t actually true and I know this. But it still hurts and that I cannot escape from the hurt. It makes me wonder what I could have done differently and what perhaps I have done wrong. Originally, when I wrote the title of this piece, I was at the height of my rage and trying to contain it all so as not to cause an unnecessary scene. However, then I had to go and do something and came back to write and some or most of the rage is gone and what is left is hurt feelings and a need to cry but a desire not to. So, I wanted to come on here as I do and say my piece and get it out there because perhaps it is a misconception that a lot of people have. It’s nothing big, nothing major or life-changing but the delivery of the misconception hurt me and so I just wanted to set the record straight.

Alyssa in a field

My daughter is 3 years old and will be 4 in July. She has already started letting me know what she would like for her birthday as children often do. She hasn’t sat down with the Argos catalogue and started turning over pages or colouring items in, she has simply told me this; a bunch of pink and orange balloons“Mummy, I would like a sky (ceiling) full of pink balloons and a strawberry cake that’s pink. ” That is all she has asked me for. Now, does this sound like a spoilt child to you? Because if it does, we are clearly on the wrong page.

Allow me to give you some context. Last Wednesday, I had a house full. I had written off the day work wise because I knew it would be impossible to get much done as Alyssa would be home along with her 12 year old cousin (Rowan) and a very close family/non family cousin not cousin 11 year old girl (Rhea) as well as my brother, his father, my mother and bear. Needless to say a bit of a mad house which kicked off with the first arrival at 7am.

I spent the day cooking, baking, doing arts and crafts, pulling Alyssa out of the room with the pre-teens in whom she idolised but who quite easily got annoyed with her interrupting their game but generally having a nice day of it. It all ended, everyone was happy and looked forward to the next day sometime soon. Well, I am not sure that day will come for some.Alyssa looking out in a cute outfit

The following morning, whilst sat working, I was informed of something that had happened upon taking home Rhea and her daddy (my brother’s dad.) It would appear, that Rhea (11 years old remember) doesn’t actually like coming to our house because Alyssa is there. Because Alyssa is spoiled. Her mummy (me) gets sent loads of free stuff and she just gets boxes and boxes of toys handed to her and she’s spoilt and annoying.

I didn’t know which to feel first – angry and lioness mamaish or burst into tears that this was the view of my child. No child is perfect and Alyssa has her tantrums like anyone, but she is not spoilt and if anything often misses out because I am worried she will become spoilt. So I just thought I’d clear a few things up, in case it wasn’t just this rude 11 year old girl, who I’ve treated like one of my own since she was a baby, felt this way.

You see all those beautiful clothes on Instagram that my daughter is wearing? Did you know that 90% of them come from eBay? Yes they are nice brands like Next, Monsoon, Boden etc. but did you know that apart from her newborn clothing which was all brand new, that the majority of her wardrobe is from eBay as it’s the only way I can keep up with her fast growing little body? We put her old clothes on and get her new ones from there. Occasionally yes she will get something new… but it won’t be full price, it will be in the sale and without prompting she will be happy, excited and say thank you.

You know all that “FREE” stuff I get that I just hand over to  Alyssa? Well, for starters, it ISN’T FREE! I don’t know how many times bloggers, influencers or whomever need to reiterate that the items aren’t for free. We have to deal with the brands and PRs, photography, editing, writing, publishing and promoting, invoicing, tax returns, travel BUT yeah, no you’re right, it’s totally free.  Want to know the other thing? Alyssa doesn’t get 80% of what I receive and review.

a big pile of presents

I have a cupboard and into that cupboard throughout the year, go items that I think will be suitable for birthdays and Christmas presents (including family members and that 11 year old girl) and the rest are either given away or sold via Facebook or again eBay (and yes declared in my Tax Return.) Yes, if a brand sends something they specifically require a photo of Alyssa with or in then she will receive the item because it is unfair to give her something then take it away. However, look through my reviews on here…. how many pictures do you ACTUALLY see with Alyssa in? I bet you had trouble finding one. Alyssa popping bubbles blow by a friend

That is because if I didn’t save gifts for her birthday and Christmas, apart from not getting very much at all because I am a single mother who is self-employed and on NO benefits, she would become spoilt. But she isn’t. That little girl says please and thank you and is entirely grateful for anything and everything she receives. A lovely PR sent her a free pack of bubbles the other day and her face lit up and do you know what she turned to me and said? “Mummy, can I have these or are they for your work?!” The little one wasn’t even sure she could have a bottle of sodding bubbles.

I know it is silly to be upset by the words of an 11 year old, even if she is an 11 year old with a hell of a lot of sass, who has been spoken to by both her mother and father and told she will not be invited again, but I cannot help it. Do you want to know the irony of the whole thing? A year ago, I was given 4 exclusive passes to the preview event at the Warner Brothers Studio for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and guess who is an extreme Harry Potter Fan and got to come along with me for free?! Yep you guessed it the 11 year old girl.

This whole thing is making me question how I parent, because I wouldn’t want Alyssa to be bullied, used or manipulated in the future for the decisions I make, but I wonder if I have actually done anything wrong?! I am so very sad and hurt that someone my little girl loves and looks up to really just doesn’t seem to like her. On that Wednesday, my little girl was told repeatedly to be quiet, shut up and to go away and she just kept on and on trying because she has what I like to call, gumption. Apart from anything else, she is 3 years old and she wants to learn and know about everything. Fortunately she isn’t quite at the sullen silent stage.

alyssa hiding in the grass

So no, my child isn’t spoilt. Both she and I do not have boxes and boxes of free stuff to use, eat, wear and play with. Truth is, some months, we’re barely above water. Hope that clears things up for you.

18 Comments

  1. Kim Carberry says:

    It’s rubbish you have had to write this bog post to set things straight!
    If anything that other girl sounds a bit jealous, bratty and very ungrateful.
    It sounds like you are doing a great job. Sending hugs x

  2. Emma says:

    Wow! Just wow! Bloody families eh? I too get sent boxes of things and free passes and like you have given things to family and have taken them places for free. An in-law won a competition on my blog (winner was chosen at random by the brand – not me!) and not one mention of thanks to me or my blog. I’ve worked hard over the last 8 months to build my blog and social yet no mention or sharing to help further that. You have every right to feel hurt and upset, I know I would!

  3. Val Calvert says:

    What a beautiful blog.How dare people make assumptions.I hope you feel better about it all.I know it is not fair but you do earn your free things.

  4. You sound like a wonderful Mama with a wonderful family. Children say the strangest of things. For example – My eldest declared she HATED a jumper she had been bought as a gift. I don’t think she knew what that meant to me, or would mean to the person who had bought it for ( and it’s a gorgeous jumper) but I questioned all my parenting (in)abilities and secretly cried that night. Have I bred an ungrateful monster, what will she say when I’m not there, what other terrible things has she said?? Etc etc – when in actual fact to her, it was a throw away comment that didn’t hold any real “meaning” until I heaped a load of meaning onto it. She was severely reprimanded and I questioned everything I stand for, but ultimately, I hope she didn’t hate anything and she was just being 9. I’m sure a huge amount of what her cousin said was heaped in a little jealousy and a lot of age related misuse of words. Blogging and all that comes with it is very new to me, but I concur, nothing in life is ever free. Except love, and you my lovely appear to have that box well and truly ticked. Helen ?

  5. Julia says:

    From what I can see or tell by your blog is that you are doing an extremely good job! With love x

  6. Laura antill says:

    sounds like a bit of jealousy to me.. I’d want a mummy who gets loads of cool stuff too XX children speak without thinking and it’s not a reflection of you( how could it be she 11 an has no idea about what it takes to be a parent) more a reflection of how she’s feeling.

  7. Kyle says:

    Well if she ever needs a cousin of a similar age to play with let me know and will have to try to sort something in the holidays cuz. Im sure Layla would love to meet her totaly not spoilt cousin and would have a lot of fun together. (Money and travel permitting obviously lol)

  8. I have long learned that teens and tweenies say the most hurtful things without realising it. There is no censor or filter. and they will think and say something completely different ten minutes later. I would say it’s important to address the 11-year-old, which has happened, and put her right about so-called free stuff. Maybe in her eyes, that is her truth: you do appear to get loads of stuff and your daughter has access to that, but maybe tell her what you have told us about eBay and all that. #ABloggingGoodTime

    • Sam says:

      You sounds like your doing your best and that is a we can do. As long as your daughter is healthy and happy that is the most important thing X #ablogginggoodtime

  9. Laurie says:

    Being falsely accused is enough to make you want to spit fire! Sorry you had to deal with that.

  10. Oh my goodness, the little green monster has been up to trouble and it’s sad that you’ve had to explain yourself and your lovely little girl. People!! Hugs to you and your Princess. You both deserve the best!

  11. So unfortunate… 🙁

  12. Kate says:

    You are hurt on behalf of your daughter because you love her so much. That makes you a great mum. You are questioning yourself because that is what great mums do. You are defending your daughter too which is natural. However, I would urge you to rise above it – a girl approaching or in puberty will act out. She should be pulled for unkind comments of course but not rejected entirely. Us women and girls need to stick together wherever possible.
    And you don’t have to answer for your blogging or life choices to anyone so long as you aren’t hurting anyone else.
    You are doing your best – the best mums do that and should be saluted. #ABloggingGoodTime

  13. Nita says:

    This is a beautiful piece. I don‘t understand why people think bloggers (and their families) get spoilt. Or more to the point why mothers spoil their kids. I also wrote a piece some time ago about mothers aka me (not) spoiling their child. We shouldn‘t have to justify ourslves. You have done a great job so well done! You keep on doing you. #ablogginggoodtime

  14. Nyxie says:

    I’m so sorry this happened. It can be so painful when someone judges our loved ones, and even if it’s untrue, it still stings! You sound like a wonderful mother, please dont allow the words of an 11 year old allow you to question that. x

  15. Crummy Mummy says:

    Oooo this makes my blood boil! I think, though, that the 11-year-old in question is simply jealous & probably didn’t realise the power of their words…or hope so anyway #ablogginggoodtime

  16. The 11 year old is at a very tumultuous stage for sure. It’s not your responsibility to set her straight though. I understand you wanting to and given your comfort level to do just that is totally up to you. I do hope her parents set her straight. I also hope there is a conversation that has already happened between the adults or will happen. I would scold the girl for being so ungrateful and disrespectful but I wouldn’t chastise her for it as this could be a teachable moment for her. She can really benefit from learning about the truth behind blogging and what it really takes. It will also teach her some humility and gratitude for the things she gets on those birthdays and Christmas. And the Harry Potter events. I’m sorry you went through this though. I’ve been going through some things with my 12 year old son being bullied by a family member that I’ve had some pretty bad mama bear moments. I can totally understand where you’re coming from. Families can be a real Stinger. Thanks for hosting #ABloggingGoodTime

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