It’s hard to separate the role of spouse and parent and it can merge into one role without you even realising! The secret is, you have to work at it. You’ll reap the benefits years later I promise.
All Relationships Change Direction After Time
After a few years, life changes in any relationship. But none more so than when you and your spouse become parents. That’s a whole different stage in your lives. One that can impact even the strongest of relationships. The following article will help you to build an awesome relationship with your spouse even after having your children.
So, you’ve both got jobs during the week, a household to run and now children to raise to add into the mix. The time you spend alone together is limited compared to the beginning of your relationship together but is more important than ever. How can busy couples, especially those dealing with parenthood, build a sound, lasting relationship in such a high-speed, ever changing environment dictated by little humans?
Well, a loving relationship needs careful attention and constant nurturing. But it’s easy to lose sight of that when you’re racing through the day, trying to meet so many other demands and the days are merging into one. That’s parenthood. That’s life.
Tips To Build an Awesome Relationship with your spouse
Here are some suggestions to help you develop quality time together, with no distractions so that your relationship with your spouse will go the distance. Children are only young for a short time in your lives, you’ll be back to having lots of time to yourselves once they are more independent, having sleepovers and going to school clubs etc. But until then…
Be realistic with your expectations.
It important to identify that you and your spouse are now parents, so the shift in your relationship will be evident. The “honeymoon phase” that we all know and love doesn’t last forever and over time, both you and your spouse will change, which will lead to a change in your relationship as a couple as your lifestyles change and become more complicated. When I say complicated I mean; Bills to pay, homes to look for/after and children to put first.
You will see that with the addition of children, comes tiredness. With tiredness comes the lack of spontaneity that you both once enjoyed, with tiredness comes less time in the evening to do anything other than sit in front of the sofa for a couple of hours and go to bed exhausted and with tiredness comes the lack of inspiration to communicate, socialise or exercise. Your energy feels zapped and as a result you have less desire to do anything after putting your children to sleep.
If you can accept that relationships evolve, you won’t be disappointed when the dreamy honeymoon phase ends and you’ll realise that the next stage is actually more exciting as you are entering into the ‘family stage’ and the tiredness will only be for a short period of time for you both.
‘No Phones’ Policy
Have at least one hour a night where you put your phones away and watch a tv show or film together.
For many parents 7.30-8pm seems to be the time of day where we get to sit down and relax after putting the children to bed, general tidying etc. So give yourselves 30-60 minutes of internet time to look at social media apps, read articles and watch videos.
But by 8-8.30pm put phones away until the morning. This is a great way to make sure that you are not distracted and can spend those few hours talking, watching tv or even reading. Whatever it is that you and your spouse are happiest doing.
I really don’t like this term, but I’m at a loss as to what other word to use sorry. Date night quite simply means just that. Dedicate a night (or day) for you both either weekly or monthly where you are on a non-parental date. This could be the following ideas, dependent on your hobbies, interests and financial situation; Take away and a film night, special dinner in the dining room/kitchen, cinema, meal out, drinks out, a walk, exercising or a class together.
The list is endless and the main thing to consider is what will be fun, encourage you to talk to each other and enable you to switch off from parent talk (which I’ll be discussing next).
Try to limit parent talk as much as possible.
This is by far the hardest to master. When you are surrounded by your children all day and their extra curricular activities overtake yours, it becomes all consuming and you find that there is very little else to talk about with your spouse. But, it’s so important to not get stuck in the rut of only having your children in common as one day they will have flown the nest and you will be sat, with only each other for company.
There were conversations you had before you had children and there are lots of other subjects you can still talk about now. Ideas you can use are; Any subject in the news that day, any interesting tv shows or films you have seen recently, gossip (always a good one) or asking them questions about their lives; Whether it’s something about their childhood (who was your favourite character in a show etc) or a question for the present day (where would you like us to go for a family holiday this year/ is there anything you would like to achieve this year?).
The important part is that you steer away from talking about the children as much as you can when it’s your time and try to talk as spouses, not parents.
Find a reliable babysitter.
Have a night out or in and enjoy yourselves. If you can get a relative to have your children overnight then enjoy the lie in the next morning, being intimate without disruption and spend quality time together. These opportunities will be few and far between so decide what you’re plans are and have fun!
Anything that is good is worth working on..
It’s hard to separate the role of spouse and parent sometimes and it can merge into one role without you even realising! The secret is, you have to work at it. Find the time, whether it’s only an hour a day to just ‘be together’ and be a couple. Enjoy each other’s company and I promise you’ll reap the benefits years later.
About The Swan Effect Mum
Hi, I’m Lynne. I’m a 39 year old mum of two girls. Ffion who is 2 and Veronica (Ronnie) who is 4 months old. Along with my partner Phill, we live in a 2 bedroom bungalow that we are slowly extending and making into our forever family home in North Wales.
I’m a full time working mum currently on maternity leave. I am an apprenticeship officer and love my job as I meet so many people, from all walks of life and no day is the same. I love to keep busy and work well under the pressure of targets and deadlines so it’s a perfect role for me. I am now also a part time mum blogger and have recently started my own podcast.
I decided to start The Swan Effect Mum blog as I wanted to see more honest mum accounts online, the ones that don’t have the perfect homes and the perfect families (which was making me feel inadequate as a mum if I’m being honest). There is too much pressure on mums to have it all these days, which is completely impossible. My goal is to help other full time working mums with day planners, week planners and a facebook group once I am back in work. There is a lot of stigma towards women who decide to return to work full time and I want to end this as much as I can. As with many mums, I have worked hard to get where I am in my career and wish to have a work/life balance that suits us as a family.
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