The Mummy Alphabet!

As parents sometimes we have to laugh, otherwise we’d just cry… and cry and maybe cry a little bit more. So, I thought I’d recite my mummy alphabet to make me smile…

A – is for Apple Puree because for a few months we have it decorating our hair and coming out of every orifice!

B – is for Baby because if I didn’t have one this would be “The Alcohol Alphabet!”

C – is for Cleaning because motherhood is a constant battle to continually try and make something , anything clean!

D – is for Diet, the one I will forever be on now that I’ve had a baby!

E – is for Energy, something you need buckets full of but distinctly lack for the first few years!

F – is for Freedom, in some sense of the word, is gone forever because there will always be someone else you have to consider!

G – is for Guilt, because you will feel it about everything, especially wanting F but then feeling bad when you get some!

H – is for Hunger, always there because of D and the fact they will always want and end up with what you have!

I – is for Initiative, you must must have this to be able to outsmart and manoeuvre your little one (ninja out the room before they wake up!)

J – is for Jealousy, because if you have to go back to work, someone else will be spending the time with them that you want to.

K – is for Kisses, wet, sloppy, licky tongue kisses all over your face!

L – is for Laundry, the endless, never ending piles and piles and piles of it!

M – is for Mummy, because that’s what you are.

N – is for Nipples, if you forgot you had them before, you never will whilst breastfeeding…dry cracked and generally OUCH!

O – is for Odours, a whole new array of them will come from both baby and you. Who needs eau d’toilette when you have eau d’puke/carrot/apple/poop/cream/lavender/insert preference

P – is for Poop, little bits, big lumps that make them go red, poosplosions and poomageddons… they are all yours!

Q – is for Quiet, something it will never be… ever again!

R – is for Runny Noses, that keep on and on just running – sleeves are the best hankie apparently!

S – is for Stains, that go hand in hand with Odours. No top you own will ever be completely clean again…nor the carpet for that matter!

T – is for Tired, excuse me whilst I go nap!

U – is for Undying Love, because despite nearly every other letter of the Mummy Alphabet, there is nothing you would not do for your little one

V – is for Varicose veins, because I am sorry but they are inevitable!

W – is for Wine, just trust me and always have a bottle in the house… in case of emergencies… or a Tuesday!

X – is for Xylophone, because one damn relative will always buy your baby one of those damn noisy things!

Y – is for Youthfulness, something you will either regain or lose… FOREVER!

Z – is for Zoo, because effectively that is what you now live in until your grandchildren are grown up!

There you have it folks, The Mummy Alphabet… and don’t forget, if 25 of them get too hard, just reach for W! What would be on yours?