I never really thought about it before but I suppose it’s because the circumstances have changed. He moved in with his partner a few weeks ago and a few months ago we had to welcome another woman into my daughters life (The Other Woman in case you’re interested) which is honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
He used to take her out prior to meeting his partner but it’s only since he became a proper couple and basically a step-father to 3 other girls that my horrible green-eyed monster reared it’s head. She came back from being out with them the other day and they sat and told me how all 6 of them had gone to Pizza hut for lunch and ice cream, followed by a trip to the ice rink for lots of skating fun. They also all went back to his together and decorated gingerbread men and she did have a thoroughly exciting and fun filled day.
After he’d gone and I put her to bed, I sat there trying not to be crushed by the overwhelming sadness that was threatening to engulf me. It should have been me. It should have been us. I’d had it all planned and being a single mum had never been on the agenda. I was sad and jealous that he had taken my daughter out to play happy families with someone else AND that they’d been able to afford to do such nice things. I’m not poor but I’m not comfortable either which made the day sound even better.
I sat there feeling sorry for myself and planning a blog post in my head, this post and how I’d sit down and let it all out, rant a little maybe too. Then I stopped and really thought about it. I am the every day parent which I suppose makes him the trip out or exciting parent but actually when I stopped and really considered it, I knew which one I’d prefer to be. I remember as a child, my own father taking me out at the weekends whilst my mum was sat at home cleaning, working or trying to catch up on sleep, similar to what I do now. She perhaps did the same as me and wished it was her that was taking us out and making us laugh and beam with excitement.
However, like me she probably also thought that if she had been the trip out parent she would have missed the things she got from being the everyday parent. Yes I might be bloody exhausted because we’re still waiting for Alyssa’s surgery to help with her sleeping, but it’s me that gets to put her to bed each night. Read a story, tuck her in and kiss her good night. It’s me that’s there each morning when she’s bouncing out of bed and dragging me too. It’s me she calls for when she’s sad, scared or hurt. It’s me that gets to watch her grow and learn each day and laugh at the crazy new things she comes out with.
Neither of us planned to be single parents and if you’re one it’s highly unlikely you planned for it either, but it happens. If you’re an everyday parent like me, don’t be sad and feel like you’re missing out. If you’re worried you don’t do enough, don’t be or like me make a bucket list of things to do together. If you’re the trip out and exciting parent, thanks for letting us be the every day parent and thanks for sticking around to spend time with your child, as a lot of people don’t. I’m happy to be an every day parent. It’s a gift – a bloody knackering one, but a gift nonetheless.
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13 Comments
Luckily there is room for you both in her life, mom and dad … You would not be human if you did not feel those pangs of jealousy and all that when she is out doing those “fun things” with her dad… but deep down your daughter knows you are her anchor, but you have allowed her to enjoy being with her father, and, by extension, his new family too. Once she feels secure, all is good. Good luck. #ABloggingGoodTime
The everyday parent is the most important one. x #ablogginggoodtime
Sounds like a wonderful revelation. I sometimes feel like all the fun stuff is done with everyone else – school is even more fun that me sometimes! But then it’e me when they are hurt and me when they need help. And that’s so precious. #abloggingoodtime
#ablogginggoodtime
I am sure your daighter tells her father about the things you do too. You are right, you are the everyday parent and going off to dad’s may seem like an adventure as it isn’t what happens everyday. I think you have such a great attitude towards co-parenting.
I can understand where you are coming from but as long as she has support and love then she will be happy X #ablogginggoodtime
I think I would be totally jealous and sad! I love how you say it is you that gets to put her to bed, and be there each morning, you that hugs her when she is sad, as much as I would be jealous about those fun day outs I would be more jealous to miss those everyday intimate moments! You are amazing!
Good on you for realising that the ‘everyday’ parent gets all the best times. Getting all the ‘Good Morning’s and bedtime hugs is worth more. #ABloggingGoodTime
I’m in the beginning stages of a pretty big change in our lives here and read this post with interest as I sometimes think of myself as the “everyday” parent but my wife would probably say that was her and I’m the one that gets to do all the fun stuff on weekends. Co-parenting is a messy business #blogginggoodtime
Sometimes men’s actions confuse me and how they leave children in the first place amazes me but your ex is sticking around contact wise and of course that is as it should be. Sometimes life can take us totally by surprise and better things can come our way and I wish lots of wonderful things to come your way this year and for the future. You look beautiful and an amazing mum to me. Also we constantly question and that I s also a sign of being a very good person. I think this is an important post that will help other people so thanks for writing it. Your daughter may well learn from it in time too #Ablogginggoodtime
Looks like you have gratitude and attitude all in the right place. It’s the hardest job in the world, and I wouldn’t trade it in for anything! Spoken as a two-momma household. xoxo #ablogginggoodtime xo
I can understand why the green-eyed monster reared its head but I love how reflecting on being the everyday parent has made you realise all the little wonderful moments that come with being the everyday parent. Having to deal with the day-to-day is exhausting at times but you get to experience all the everyday moments as well as “exciting” ones when you get to have the days out. They might not be regular exciting days out, but they’re just as special x #ablogginggoodtime
Totally understand this . I don’t think as single parents we really ever get over that fantasy happy family we feel we didn’t get to be #ablogginggoodtime
Life is so hard sometimes! It sounds like you’ve really got it in perspective though with a positive head on #ablogginggoodtime