I know at the moment it is all the rage to be a “Slummy Mummy” to celebrate your mistakes, glorify the rotten aspects of your day with the children and generally refer to them as “little shits” “twats” “horrors” or something else along those lines but that just isn’t for me. If that’s your bag then good for you and I have no problem with it if you’re happy but it’s just not the way I am. I don’t want to come across holier than thou or anything like that and believe me
my child is by no means an angel (just watch us at bedtime!) but I’m never going to sit and compare stories with other slummy mummies about who’s child is worse and refer to her as a little cow because quite frankly I don’t want to.
If, or I should say when, When Alyssa does something wrong then she is told it is wrong. I have a system that anyone who looks after Alyssa follows too and that is that if she does something wrong once, we hold her arm or hand, look her in the eyes and say no that’s not nice. If she does it a second time we repeat what we did before but we tell her that it was naughty (I don’t tell her she’s naughty) and then if she does it a third time she is picked up and placed on the
time out spot which is usually a chair and has to sit there for one minute and then get up and say sorry and have a kiss and cuddle. This developed from when she began hitting as obviously I couldn’t allow her to get away with hitting and she needed to be told and now this runs across anything. I’m not saying this is the right way and some people will probably be laughing at what I do whilst reading this but hey it’s whatever works for you and as with everything else, we’re doing things our way.
Of course this isn’t always feasible especially when you have guests and they like to play up and show off or when you’re out and for some reason they want to turn into demon spawn. However, something seems to change in me too and I become a completely different mama. I do stay calm and frantically whisper to her to calm down, sit down, be quiet or whatever instruction is required but I can feel myself going redder and redder and she’s barely even done anything and it feels like I am back at school
stood in front of a row of the most horrible bullies waiting to tear strips off me for something or other. Then the weirdest thing happens – me, who has done nothing wrong, who is trying to control the situation turns around and says “I’m sorry.” Obviously I don’t do this unless she is directly affecting someone but I do it. I turn around and I apologise for my daughter and what she is doing and how she is behaving.
The other day Alyssa threw something across the room and it didn’t get damaged and it didn’t do any damage it was merely that she shouldn’t have thrown it and my mum told her “No chucking Alyssa please. That’s not good!” (FYI We say no chucking because obviously you can throw a ball so wanted to differentiate the word for her) and then I turned round to my mum as I do and said “I’m sorry” and then she said something that has really stuck in my mind and actually caused me to write this post, “You don’t have to keep apologising for her. She’s just learning.”
Holy moly smack me round the face. I don’t know why this would suddenly hit me so hard but it did. Yes she acts out and does stuff that she shouldn’t necessarily do but she is just learning. Here is this feisty, independent little almost two year old who’s brain must be in over drive constantly with everything new she takes in on a daily basis and she is just trying to process it all and work it all out and if that was me I might throw a few things across the room too. We all want to raise strong independent kick-ass women and instill in them the best words of advice that we have but at this age they have so little power that the frustration must be enormous so in the words of my daughter “ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Wow that does let it all out doesn’t it?!