You’re Trying to Kill Me…Aren’t you?!

It’s 5am. You have seen every hour strike since 10pm with only brief snatches of two minute power naps every half an hour. You look down into your arms at the (make appropriate choice…) a) Happy, smiley, full of beans b) screaming, red in the face, tear-stained baby and what thought passes through your mind (or my mind), or even comes out of your mouth? “You’re trying to kill me aren’t you?!”

Don’t get me wrong, having a baby is one of the most amazing experiences of my life… but it is bloody hard work too! A friend who recently told me she was pregnant (amazing news and still a secret!!) said that she loved reading my blog for two reasons and the main one was because as much as I say I love being a mummy, I also do not disguise how hard it is either (I am sure the other reason she loves reading is my unending charm and wit!). Alyssa has been going through a really bad night time sleep phase recently which has left me in two different frames of mind: 1) a weeping mess wondering what the hell I have done wrong 2) Feeling like I am going to pull my hair out if I don’t get some sleep soon!

 I know what you are thinking? How can such a little cutie bring anyone to the point of madness?! Trust me, hidden beneath that pretty little dress is a devils tail that occasionally makes an appearance. To be honest, it is quite hard to admit to myself, let alone anyone, that such thoughts as “You’re trying to kill me” go running across my mind, but I am pretty sure that I am not alone in my thinking, though others may have their own versions of this!

Another of my most popular thought phrases is “Are you ACTUALLY kidding me?” This phrase is used for such cases as: we are going somewhere nice or are in a bit of a hurry to get out the door, and I have picked out a lovely outfit for her to wear; vest, tights, top, skirt and cardi… pretty standard! Then, just as you pull her arm through the sleeve of the cardigan (the final item I might add) out of my little cherubs mouth, comes a tidal wave of puke! So much puke infact, that it soaks through to the bottom layer and generally the only salvagable item is the tights. So out of my mouth comes the words “Are you ACTUALLY kidding me?” Of course, like all babies she hates the actions of being dressed and undressed, so squealing commences as I then battle to change her and inevitably dress her in an outfit that is quick and easy and probably what I should have put her in in the first place before dashing out the door (I hate being late and something I am having to get over since becoming a mum!)

 Now these words may not sound like they come from someone who likes or even enjoys being a mum; well that’s where you are wrong. I adore being a mum, but like all parents I get tired, weary and yes at times exasperated… but do you know what? That’s actually okay. It is okay to feel like I’m losing a battle or that I am weary or even that I am getting things wrong want to know why? Because despite the fact that maybe once a week or fortnight these sayings may cross my lips, the words that I say without fail several times every single day are “I Love You!” and I do! I love every blueberry covered, puke stained, soggy, chubby, cheeky part of her. It is not always going to be plain sailing, there are going to be calm waves and great big tsunami crashing tidal ones too but that’s life. We have to take the good with the ok and the not so great and the downright despairing as well.

You know what helps? Getting it out of your system… tell me, what are your choice phrases or moments of “Oh Dear God?!”