I may have mentioned once or twice (or a bajillion times) that Alyssa has never been a great sleeper… in fact she’s been downright horrendous at times and I honestly haven’t been the best person at fixing it. It had a lot to do with the first few weeks of her life; 2 weeks in hospital where we weren’t allowed to spend a lot of time together and she couldn’t be held as she had to stay under blankets, coming home and getting a virus, followed by her first jabs which had her running a fever for 3 days meant that the first 4-6 weeks at home she slept solely on my chest and I’d grab an hour here or there. After this, she’d only go to sleep on me or with me lying next to her, hand holding hers, whilst she slept in a cocoon mattress next to me… even then she’d still wake up 2 or 3 times a night, all the way to 6 months old when it was time to move to her cot…
She had to move to her cot – she had seriously outgrown the cocoon mattress and she was also desperate to be able to move and wriggle… my little one knows her own mind and this has only gotten stronger as she has gotten older. Now, I looked into techniques and everything and thought that I needed to sort this now before she got too much older and decided to try and do the “cry-it-out” technique. Well, w
ithin 5 minutes it wasn’t just her crying but me also – I wasn’t cut out for this and it definitely wasn’t for me as every inch of my body was aching to pick her up and comfort her, so that was a no go.
Next, I thought “What about if I get her to sleep first and then put her down in her cot?!” I’d let her fall asleep drinking her milk on me and then I’d transfer her over. It wasn’t ideal but it seemed a good compromise if she’d go to sleep and she did! If at any point she didn’t go to sleep on her milk I’d rock her gently and sing her a song and she’d be off to dream land and I was able to put her down and have a few hours to myself… though I often ended up going to bed anyway. It was funny really, because I had none of these problems during the daytime – in the day she’d self settle after a feed and go to sleep, but not at night. After a few weeks of her going to sleep on me in the evenings, she switched to needing to do that at naptimes which was fine as I enjoyed the snuggle.
However, when I started this she was only 6 months old and not really very heavy… we have just passed the 15 month mark and up until 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was still rocking her and singing her to sleep and she was still getting up in the night, sometimes for hours on end, needing me to hold her bottle for her and rock and sing her to sleep. Not only has this been exhausting and never-ending, it has also caused great problems with my back and shoulders, one of which is currently receiving treatment. It all came to a head, like I said, a couple of weeks ago, when I sat up rocking her all night… everytime I went to put her down she woke up and I’d have to begin again and my mum came to see me in the morning and I just burst into tears. My arms were burning and there were shooting pains in my shoulders and I was completely exhausted – something needed to change as I could not carry on like this.
I spent a while chatting to my mum, looking at techniques on the internet and chatting with friends about it all and realised that I didn’t really like the whole of one method and would need to come
up with something of our own. I remembered that when we did swimming, to train Alyssa to hold her breath and prepare for going under the water, we used a trigger word and actions that were exactly the same each time so she’d know what to expect. I thought it would be a great idea to incorporate this and I also thought that as she had had so long with me being her method of sleep that I wanted to keep as much as possible the same and change very little in order to cause as little distress as possible.
So, we began our night as usual – she would have dinner, then a nice bath, her normal baby massage, came to say goodnight to everyone and went and had a snuggle on my bed with a bottle (as she had not fallen asleep doing this for some time.) Now, when it was finished, instead of picking her up properly and beginning to rock her, I carried her into her room, lay her down and gave her Minnie Mouse, who she always takes to bed and said “Night night. Love you” and went and sat down on a chair next to her, just out of reach and began to sing.
At first, if she could have spoken, she would have been like “What the hell mummy?!” She immediately stood up and started to do her whingey, non-upset cry and at this point I knew I was going to be okay. I continued to sing and simply got up, lay her back down cuddling Minnie and repeated “Night night. Love you” and returned to my chair. That first night, she stood up 10 times before she merely just sat up, which I did nothing about. She moved around a lot, found a comfortable position and after 45 minutes fell asleep. I covered her with her blanket and let myself out of the room. The next time I saw her, was 8am the next morning… she had slept through the night!
I honestly thought it was a fluke, until it happened for the next 3 nights too! She woke up on the 5th night and instead of giving her a bottle as I would have before, I merely lay her down and said “Night night. Love you” and sat in the chair singing until she fell asleep half an hour later. I could almost hear my shoulders crying with relief.
We are now 3 weeks down the line and she has woken up in the night a total of 4 times….4 out of 21!! My body is being cautious and doesn’t know whether it should celebrate this new sleep or grab it while it can. Now, every night, my chair inches a little closer to the door and my singing grows ever quieter until now, I am actually able to say her trigger words and walk out of the door. She initially cries out and then spends 15 minutes or so talking to herself and moving around in her cot and then all goes silent. I creep in, give her a kiss and cover her with her duvet and come out. This I have done for the past few days and I just think “My goodness, why did I not do this sooner?!”
Do you know what else? She is a much happier little girl – she is not grouchy and whiney half as much as before if at all and the regular little tantrums she was having have dwindled to practically nothing too. You can tell the nights she has woken, because the following day is when she goes back to me grouchy and easily upset… so it looks like this has been something that we both have needed for quite some time.
I find it truly remarkable that my little one has taken on the change and adapted so quickly and so well. You have no idea how pleased I am that I did not have to do the crying it out method – I have nothing against it whatsoever but it just wasn’t for us. Finding our own method and our own way and something that works for both of us, I can honestly say has been life changing. I am finally starting to feel more human again and it is wonderful to have my happy little girl back again – I may even treat myself to some new pyjamas to celebrate! If you are thinking of sleep training, just bite the bullet and do it. Do it your way. Do it for them. Do it for you. You have no idea how important it is for your health and sanity until it’s done. Sweet dreams everyone!
This is a collaborative post – all thoughts are my own
25 Comments
Well done! We found refusing might milk was the key…only we’d suffered 22 months first of 2-3 minimum night time waking, wah! Xx
Thats brilliant Katie, knew you could do it. Cough cough, told you so, cough cough! Seriously though it’s brilliant it really is. R has woken a couple of times that last few days and decided to be up for 2 hours at 2am, I’m like wtf! I’m hoping got a blip! x x x x
Aw great well done you. I’m reading this after literally spending an hour trying to get Miss Belle to nap. She went though a funny state a few weeks or months ago and we are slowly getting better at bed time in that we can now sit outside her room and just sssh her if she asks for mummy or daddy. But daytime is a completely different story. I think I’m confusing her as some days I lose my mind and let her cry it out. Some days I give up and rock her to sleep. Some days like today I wait and wait and it takes over an hour or some days she just doesn’t sleep. Or she will in the car/pram. She’s now going to be up really later if she does fall asleep then that will screw bedtime up! It’s so stressful! Let me know how day time naps are going, I need help!!
Well done. finding our own way is great. Techniques can be a good reference point, of course. I did something very similar with my son. Staying with him and singing so he learned it was safe to be in his cot.
Hurray! What a break through! This is great. If you can get a good nights’ sleep you can cope with anything! Well done Allysa (and well done mummy!) #ABloggingGoodTime
Great job! There’s nothing better then when your kids are sleeping trough most of the night! It then took me some time to get used to it, as I was still waking 10 times a night just to be sure they were sleeping!;) #ablogginggoodtime
Excellent. All 3 of mine would only sleep on our chests. We took it in turns each night. You’ve just got to do what feels right. Sarah #abloggingggodtime
Well done, you found a good routine that fits. We had a great routine with our boy and we all got a good nights sleep, until we went through the ‘climbing into our bed phase’. Haha
Bravo! Enjoy those new jammies!
#blogginggoodtime
Congratualtions on finding a method that works for both of you. We used to spend hours rubbing our first daughters back until she fell asleep but by the time we had 4 kids aged 5 and under including our set of twins we were very much into the “controlled crying ” approach – which worked for us and kept us all sane in those crazy early years! #ablogginggoodtime
oh how wonderful! I am so glad you found something that worked, and it is so unique!
Ben has always been a great sleeper but I don’t know if that’s because we had a routine from the get go. (I had been told it is important as I need sleep to function) we always did changing clothes even if he was in a sleepsuit already, bottle and rocked til he is half asleep but I sit on the bed and 9/10 it works without standing (I have a bad back already so don’t want to make it worse) then transfer over.
Next month he is going into his room so I’m not sure how to adjust as there isn’t space for a chair in there – I’m sure we’ll figure something out! maybe ill use a gro bag that we haven’t used yet and he knows its his bed time. #ablogginggoodtime
It’s amazing what we put ourselves through and the extent we have to get to before we eventually realise we have to do something to change the situation! My son woke up for milk in the night 2 or 3 times a night until he was nearly 3! I just found it easier to give him a bottle and go back to bed than to try to fix the problem. I thought getting some sleep, even if it was broken, was better than no sleep! After a particularly bad few weeks I realised something had to change and after 3 nights of tough love and “sorry the milk has all run out” he was sleeping through the night. He was happier, started eating better in the day and I was so much happier and more awake! 10 years on I struggle to get him out of bed at all but that’s a whole other problem!! Well done for finding your own way and perservering! #ablogginggoodtime
Well done, I think its so important to do your own thing. Everyone has an opinion with sleeping and what you should or shouldn’t do, but I think that sounds like an excellent technique. #ablogginggoodtime
Awesome to hear that you did it and you sort it out now:) we are testing some methods now and it’s going better and better now
#ablogginggoodtime
What a cutie! Every sleep battle is different and must be won in your own fassion. Great post! #ablogginggoodtime
I think you’re absolutely right. It’s imperative that we do it our own way. So happy that you’ve made so much progress. Long may the sleep last! Thanks for hosting #ablogginggoodtime X
Well done you! You are so right that it needs to work for you. With my three, they were all different because of the circumstances of having other children in the house with numbers 2 and 3, I didn’t even consider the controlled crying. I think the secret is consistency, deciding on a method and running with it. Some really cute pics- she’s gorgeous!! #ablogginggoodtime
Well done you! Its amazing how quickly they pick up on things and with your consistency she has certainly done so well!!
Congratulations on some quality sleep!!
#ablogginggoodtime
Well done you!! Emmeline is 16 months and a terrible sleeper. She goes through until about 3am but then won’t settle unless she’s in bed with me lying on me. She still breastfeeds and for the last few hours she uses me like a dummy! I’m so exhausted because of Jude’s behaviour at the moment that I just go with it…my theory is that if we’re all sleeping then I’m happy. It’s not perfect but it works for us at the moment 🙂 A xx #ablogginggoodtime
Oh hunny you have given me hope! My 12 month old still gets up in the night and back feels like it could snap from all the rocking him. He goes to sleep ok on his own initially it’s just the getting him BACK to sleep in the middle of the night without waking everyone up which is tricky. I’m hoping he will grow out of it! #ablogginggoodtime
My little man is 22 months and still wakes for night feeds. I’m going to try and wean him off after Christmas x #ablogginggoodtime
Yay!So glad to read you’re getting more sleep. We did cry it out and ithe was awful, was only 5 nights if hell and then Leo slept 12hours straight through ever since, I’m not sure I’ll be doing it again with Alex though as I found it too stressful. I love the sound of your approach, using trigger words us a great idea xx #ablogginggoodtine
Little B has never slept through the night and always ends up in our bed, and now there’s just 5 weeks until baby number three arrives. We need to get it sorted – thanks for sharing your advice! #ablogginggoodtime
oh good luck honey on all fronts xx
My daughter is a terrible sleeper and ends up on my face every night. I’m going to try your suggestion! Thank you xx