10 Things I Didn't Do Before Having A Baby

Did you find that when you had a baby not only did your whole world change, but you changed too? I mean I was always a little cooky, a complete ditz and my sanity was sometimes questionable... but now?! Honestly surprised that my family hasn't had me sectioned on occasion. Reason for this? Well, my bubba appears to have transformed me into this weird mummy-being who at times internally looks at herself and even says out loud "What the hell are you doing/talking about?" I noticed this a while back and decided to make a list (because in case you hadn't guessed I bloody love lists!!) about all the things I never did/had before becoming a mummy.

1. Sang about poop... or in fact sung about anything and everything in an attempt to keep the little bubba happy whilst I am performing whatever task I must! For example... using the tune of Old Macdonald had a Farm, sing as follows: "Little Lyssy did a poop, poopy poopy poop! And little Lyssy's stinky poop, was a little green! With a wipe wipe here, and some cream cream there, here a wipe there some cream, mummy is about to scream! Little Lyssy did a poop, poopy poopy poop!" This is all done whilst maintaining some weird clown like grin on my face! Family members have appeared at the door before and the general response is... "What the hell are you on?!" That would be lack of sleep coupled with a healthy dose of I need a bath!

2. Turned into a Ninja... I used to dance so knew I had some flexibility but I have amazed even myself at the way in which i am able to bend and manipulate my body in order to avoid creaky floorboards, hanging objects or infact anything that will make a noise bigger than silence in order to not disturb the sleeping bubba! Whoa betide any human or animal that dares to squeak!

3. Domestic Semi-Goddess... I never knew how quickly I could move my way through the house doing housework. I have now mastered the act of getting everything I need to get done finished in approx. 30 minutes! Of course, by everything, I mean anything that is noticeable should someone pop in unannounced! By done, I mean so that you wouldn't noticed that it hadn't been touched (like dust arouuuunnnnddd the vases!)

4. Me, Myself and I... Apparently, when you become a mummy, you must refer to yourself constantly in the 3rd person when it comes to your child. For example "Ooo excuse the mamma, what did she do?" or "Are you talking to the mamma? Are you?" I also find myself repeating the same lines or phrases over and over. So much so in fact that family members now mimic me... awesome!

5. Plan Plan Plan... I have always been a planner, I like to know what I am doing, where I am going or supposed to be at what time. So I am kind of in my element when going out with a baby because I find that I plan outtings the day before, with military precision and a check list in my head to make sure I remember everything! Nappies, bibs, food, change of clothes, baby....

6. Excitement... I find that the days tend to roll into each other, especially in the early months of having a baby and soon you find a week has gone by and you haven't left the house or engaged in much adult conversation at all. So now, I can't quite believe it, but I do actually consider a trip to Tescos quite exciting! I am out in society where, even if it is a simple nod or smile, I interact with people. Then there is the small chance that I will get one of the nice checkout assistants who doesn't completely hate their job, who engages me in actual conversation!! (Granted this is normally about the cute baby with me... but still!)

7. A collection.... Far enough away and I look reasonably presentable most of the time. However, the closer you get the more you can see the collection of foreign substances I am putting together on my clothes and body. These range from; poo, wee, puke, snot, bogies, milk, vegetables, fruit, 2 drips of the precious 3 sips of coffee I had, a couple of smudges of whatever I managed to ram down my throat in the way of food, sudocrem and more! I have also just added olbas oil and snuffle baby to my collection thanks to bubba's cold!

8. New Perfume... no no I do not in fact have a new perfume. I rarely ever wear any perfume and the reason is I have no further use for it. I have a new natural odour which is so individual and unique and pungent that it beats out all other brands. Its name is "Eau de Puke!" If you'd like to smell as good as me please feel free to ask my daughter where she gets the mass quantities she seems to ply me with... or I'm happy to share!

9. Hello?... as I have said before, days kind of roll into each other and soon yet another day, week or month has flown by. Therefore, I now generally consider social media as my main source of contact to the outside world. This is incredibly sad I know but let me just say... THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Thanks to all of you for being out there and sometimes responding too!

10. And... I have never felt more amazing in my entire life. Despite the stains on my clothes, the new odour and the often lengthy spells of no contact or lack of sleep, I did not realise how much I could love and adore my little tiny person. Being a mummy ROCKS!