I've Got Anxiety...What the Hell Do You Do With Me?!

I will be the first one to admit that I am a little kooky, ditzy and sometimes downright weird but I have always considered myself relatively normal in a general sense of the word. I worried about things but then who doesn't? However, when I had bubba something in me completely changed. I shared with you all a little while ago our birth story and I can only attribute the new characteristic I have gained to that experience and the fact that every parent gets a little of it... I'm anxious! I have never known anything like it. As I have said, I was always a worrier but worry and anxiety are two completely different things in my book.

When I first came home from hospital, my anxieties were horrendous - I worried that I wasn't doing everything right, that there was something and everything wrong with my baby, that people were judging me on my parenting and my ability to cope (or not cope at times); every little thing was something to be anxious about. It has to be said that my family, particularly my mum and her partner, were incredibly patient with me. We had a rough few weeks at home in the beginning with a poorly, not sleeping baby and the complete breakdown of my relationship with The Ex-Dad and so the tiniest thing set me off. I have gotten better as the months have gone on which has been helped by sleep and a realisation that I don't have all the answers, no one does but my baby is healthy and happy. However, in particular around the time when that darling of a Mother Nature Calls and when I have not had very much sleep, the anxiety demon rears it's ugly head and I begin to worry again... about everything!

Now, I am also a really annoying anxious person because people make suggestions about how I can fix a problem or feel less anxious and I always find a negative counter point for their suggestion which must get pretty annoying and downright frustrating (check with my mum and I am sure she would agree!) So the big question is... How do you deal with someone who is experiencing an anxiety attack? To be honest, there is no one way to deal with it and each person is different, however I thought that the following would be useful for non-anxiety sufferers to know...

1. You will NOT be able to say the right thing - I am sorry to admit, that at the time of tears and anxiety, generally whichever way you choose to go will not be the right one. An example of this would be someone getting upset and worried because their child fell over and got a bruise and they are concerned with how people will view this. You could go one of two ways: a) "It's fine, all children get bruises, no one will notice or think anything of it!" or b) "Yeah you are right, it looks really bad. You should probably stay at home until it goes away!" Whilst the first response is probably the better, neither will result in a change of mood from said anxious person - sorry we aren't being awkward but we cannot think clearly at the moment.

2. Hugs and love - generally I find that a really good hug helps. Whilst it might make us cry more initially... if we are crying it's probably a good thing as by giving us a hug and accepting the fact we need to cry you are letting us get out all the pent up emotion we feel. "It will be alright" is a really good accompaniment to this, as while we don't necessarily believe it, these words will penetrate and help calm and soothe us... thank you for being so patient with us.

3. Keep Calm and Carry On - whilst you shouldn't indulge us with too much of your time to help us get over our little moment, your patience is appreciated. It is not something we can turn on and off when we choose and each moment of anxiety will last a different length of time. It is really important that if you feel frustrated with us, that you don't show it because then we will just worry that you (along with the rest of the world) are turning on us too. So please, keep calm and give us another hug and if you need to get on with other things, just let us know that you'll be around later to talk again if we feel like it... reassurance is key.

4. Wait for it - Throughout the whole anxiety episode you may be sat there thinking "Wow, I really think you need to see someone like your doctor!" You know what, you may be right. We may need to visit them and we may even need to take some medicine to help stop us feeling so anxious. However, if you tell us that mid-attack or even just after, we are likely to suddenly see you as our sworn enemy. You no longer understand and we will start to back off and shut down. By all means we do need to be told... but give it some time until you can see that we are calmer, happier and more level-headed and try then. You can also try bringing cake... we like cake!

5. Sorry - We realise that we are burdening you with our problems. We realise we might be bringing you down. We realise you have problems of your own. We are truly sorry. The pressure that we put on you in these situations we get ourselves into is enormous. Please just know, that even if we don't say it, we completely appreciate everything you do to get us to the other side. We can't see the other side, but you can and that's why we feel safe holding your hand to get there... so thank you.

I am in no way an expert, a doctor or anything other than someone who has been there and still occasionally visits this horrible place. I just wanted all of you who sit there and comfort and hold hands and wipe tears and hug and love, that you are so appreciated. I just wanted to say... thank you!

#life #blog