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You know when you should be working and you just can’t make yourself do it. You know when you should really go out and get some air but your body is so tired it feels like solid rock. You know where once you were young, carefree and had everything in front of you and suddenly you open your eyes and you’re meant to be the adult. The adult that has the answers. The adult that solves all the problems. Makes all the money. The adult that is the mother that washes all the clothes. The mother that feeds everyone. The mother that kisses good night. The mother that feels like she hasn’t slept in years. Remember that time when you used to be just you rather than everything else but you that everyone else needs you to be? Sometimes I think we need a bigger word or phrase that describes all this but all I can really think of is one. Overwhelmed.

a woman in a dark jacket leaning against a wall surrounded by shadows

I’m not the only one. People get overwhelmed every day. I’m not looking for pity. I’m not looking for anything. I’m actually here to say… don’t worry you’re not alone and you’re not the only one. Last night I went out. It was probably only the fifth time I have been out since I found out I was pregnant. In all honesty… I haven’t missed it. Most of the time, by the end of the day the last thing I could even contemplate doing is getting showered, changed, do my hair, put make-up on my face and then go out. This is very different from my life four years ago but I am not sad about the change.

However, last night I did go out. It took three weeks of schedule planning but it was all arranged. I was exhausted yes because of course Alyssa had played up the night before. However, I had a babysitter, enjoyed a hot shower earlier in the day, rough dried and scrunched my hair for ease and then did the most basic amount of make-up I could get away with. Oddly, I was looking forward to going. Usually, if I have to go somewhere now in the evenings, there is a serious internal debate of can I be bothered. But of course I went. I was excited. I had pizza, drank beer and talked for England. It was perfect. When I got home I wanted to cry.woman with her head in her hands crying

For two hours. Two whole hours… I was Katie. I wasn’t Mama to a little person who is constantly making demands. I wasn’t the Mama that needed to do the washing or cook the dinner (did this before I went out!!) or clean the house or tidy the toys. I wasn’t Mummy in a Tutu who sometimes feels like she can’t keep up, is either drowning in emails or floating on the remnants of last months. I wasn’t the Mummy in a Tutu who constantly doubts whether her success was previously a fluke and that she should pack it in and find an “employed” job. I wasn’t the Sister/Daughter/Aunt who needs to help with something. I was just me. a woman holding her head blurred

When I sat down at home, after putting my little monkey to bed who had decided to she was going to stay up and have fun with Nonna and Bear, I think it just suddenly dawned on me how my brain and body had had a break from all those things. Granted it was a small one but it felt like it had been much longer. I didn’t actually realise how long it had been since I had seen that Katie and it was that that had made me want to cry. She was still here. She hadn’t gone.

She/I can go out. I have been in a bubble for so long that I think I had forgotten how to do it. Yes obviously I go out in the daytime but it isn’t the same and usually I am accompanied by a 3 foot ball of fire. Yes, I have been out in the evening, though this has mostly involved going to a friends house where I have felt comfortable and in all honesty not made much effort.

woman's shoulder with superwoman written on it

The important thing I realised though was not only that I could but actually I NEED to do this. I am not superwoman and with everything we have to deal with in our day to day lives it’s important that we take even minutes just to reconnect with that person that is hiding inside of us. To take time out to be just Katie and not the Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Blogger that I am or need to be 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you don’t you’ll find yourself, as I have done recently. Overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and fed up and not seeing anything but fog.

Make time for you. Make time to be you. Make time to remember who you were. Make time to realise who you still are. You’re not alone. Make time. Avoid the overwhelm.

 

13 Comments

  1. Taking time for yourself and being able to reconnect with the person you are underneath the mummy is so important. I’m glad you enjoyed a couple of hours doing just that. Hope you can find time to do so again soon x

  2. Lisa says:

    Sometimes you just need a little while to just be you. You are amazing, don’t ever doubt yourself xx

  3. You definitely do need time for yourself because it is hard being mum all the time and you deserve to be Katie and enjoy yourself not talking children #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Hooray! It’s so good that you took that time and have reflected on how necessary it is.

  5. I so understand where you are coming from with this. Las weekend I went for a weekend (2 whole nights!!!) away and it wasn’t until the Saturday night that I’d peeled the layers back to uncover the Hayley of a few years before when I went out and just had a laugh! Definitely avoid the overwhelm. Really strong message and valuable post for your readers to take heed of. #ablogginggoodtime xx

  6. Thank you for sharing this as honestly I’ve been there a lot. Although I have a husband to share the burden, we have no other help with childcare. I have been out twice during the evening since my son was born and he’s two. As an older mum, my family is small and they’re old. We’ve had health issues. Sadly we lost my grandmother recently. Throw in a very challenging day job and there is nothing left for me. I started the year saying I would take better care of myself,but I’ve been doing a poor job at if for a few months. I had a wake up call when we went on holiday. I felt amazing. Even with Small Boy with us, the fact I didn’t have to worry about everything made such a difference. I can feel that way, I just need to prioritise my own needs. I need to be me and not just the caretaker of peoples needs. This has actually given me a kick up the bum to put something in the diary with a friend or two. Thanks Katie! Plus I’m also really glad that you got out. I know life is hectic and it’s easy to lose ourselves to the role of being mum. #ABloggingGoodTime

  7. Tubbs says:

    We all need some time when we’re just us – because if we don’t, it’s hard to be the other people we need to be. Good luck carving out that space. And sending hugs!

  8. This is me every single day. Sometimes I have a fleeting moment of clarity and energy and I literally do everything I can in that moment before I lose it again. It’s tough. Sounds like you had a lovely night out x #ablogginggoodtime

  9. Nicola says:

    Going out and being yourself is so very important. I definitely don’t do it enough but you’ll find as Alyssa gets older it will definitely get easier to make yourself go. When my son started school I became friendly with a group of Mums and we decided to get together at someone’s house on the last Friday of every month. We took it in turns to host and it was just drinks and chat and sometimes we made an effort to dress up and other times we didn’t but it was just amazing to get out of the house and be ourselves again! #ablogginggoodtime

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