Well I did it. I decided enough was enough and that it really is time for me to jump back into dating. I may not be totally happy with myself and the way I look at the moment but surely if I meet the right person then they’ll like me for me no matter what, right?! Well, that’s the idea anyway and hey I can live in hope can’t I?! So I was running through my head all the apps etc that I had previously used for Online dating as sadly it is almost impossible to meet someone old school style anymore and decided that as I was still a little unsure, I wasn’t going to pay at the moment. This left, to my then knowledge, Tinder and Plenty of Fish. I have never been able to bring myself to join Tinder – don’t ask me why, it just does not appeal and whilst I know from past experience that Plenty of Fish is by no means perfect, it was the better of the two options. I spent a week on POF before I deleted the app. Here’s what happened…
So, I signed up and took the free options as I wasn’t looking to “boost” my profile or anything like that. I uploaded normal pictures, including full body ones (clothed I’d like to add) to show I wasn’t hiding anything. I then filled in my profile and based on my previous experience (you can read Do you want a c*ck shot babe? for that) I added a small disclaimer at the bottom of my ‘About me ‘ which read as follows… “I want a relationship. Sex is nice but it is not the reason I want to date. DO NOT sext me or send me your latest d*ck pics because I will either report you or simply share with 3000 people on Facebook!” Because let’s face it, I know the members of Dafuq is Dis? would have rather enjoyed reading and mocking any content I supplied.
Now for the most part this worked – I had some relatively normal people message me who I simply didn’t seem to click with and we said our farewells after a few messages and moved on. I am pleased to say I did not receive one unwanted pic at all, much to the disappointment of Facebook users I am sure. What I got however, was a thorough understanding of the type of people on POF which resulted me shutting down my profile and moving on. Allow me to introduce you to the 3 men of POF.
Mr. Tiny Penis
Okay, so there I was minding my own business and up pops a message from a guy, who we’ll call Mr. TP. I checked out his profile and like me he had children, he looked lovely, was fairly close by and we had similar interests. I ended up talking to this guy for a whole week and almost, almost went to meet him for a date. However, what I began to notice more and more was that Mr. TP kept bringing up sex. He didn’t want to sext but wanted to discuss interests and tastes. I wasn’t adverse to this, I’m not a prude, however when it becomes the primary conversation point, then it’s an issue. The worst part was that on about the 3rd sexual discussion he comes out with… “Oh by the way, I have a tiny penis. Like I know it will be disappointing. However, it’s really good for back door sex and there’s toys for all the rest.”
Shockingly, I did not stop talking to him at this point as I thought he might just be trying too hard or have a case of verbal diarrhea. However, he mentioned the size of his manhood and it’s inadequacies 4 more times within the next 48 hours which also meant there was a lot of focus on talking about sex. So I kindly messaged him and said, “Look, I’m happy to go on a date with you as we really seem to click but you need to stop talking about and focusing on sex. It should’t be all about that. It should be much more.” Silence. 12 hours later I got a message to tell me he didn’t think we were very well suited after all. WOW.
About 48 hours into being back on POF I received a message from someone who we will call Dom Dom and you’ll understand why in a moment. He had no pictures of himself but I thought I’d read his profile and check out all his info before deleting and moving on. He lived within 45 minutes so not bad, had a good job according to the profile and similar interests. Then it came to the bottom part of his profile which read ” I am looking for someone to be my submissive. Hours to suit.”
So, what I hadn’t realised was that Christian Grey had joined POF recently. I had to bite. I responded to his hello and we chatted briefly.
Me: Hi, how are you?
Dom: Good thanks. How are you finding POF?
Me: Only been back 48 hours so still deciding. How about you?
Dom: Terrible. Not found anyone, but then I suppose what I am looking for is very unique. Are you interested?
Me: Tell me more about what you’re proposing? (( I had to ask, didn’t I?!)
Dom: I’m looking for someone who has availability to be my submissive. I can do some day times and then evenings. Discretion is key as I’m quite well known in the area and obedience is essential. Of course the hours would be to suit us both. Oh and there would be an allowance for you to spend too.
It was at this point I was sorely tempted to ask how much but instead told him that unfortunately with such a young daughter I don’t think this kind of thing would fit into my present lifestyle but wished him luck. I’ll say this… he was very polite!
Finally came the guy we’re going to call Nick Name. This was a short albeit sweet encounter…not really. We only sent 6 messages in total, 5 of which were from him. The messages I received from him were all in capital letters and consisted of phrases like “WOW YOU ARE AMAZING!” and “OMFG YOU’RE LUSH!” and the best “I’D GIVE ANYTHING IF I COULD JUST… 😉 PEACHY BUM!” It was at this last message I finally sent my first and only which consisted of “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re compatible!” and promptly blocked him.
I mean don’t get me wrong I appreciated the compliments but when someone comes out with nick names like Peachy Bum I’m sorry but it’s an instant no from me – apart from anything else, he wouldn’t know if my bum was peachy or not because there were no photos of me from behind! Plus I’m sorry guys but one of your opening lines really shouldn’t be “I’d give anything if I could just…” followed by a winky face.
After a week on POF and meeting these men, you can perhaps come to understand why I deleted my profile and decided to look elsewhere! These weren’t the only 3 but they are the ones that stand out from the pack. I had another who simply refused to talk to me ever again because once more I had to tell him I didn’t want a conversation solely based on sex. I also had several very kind offers from men offering to raise my daughter for me. Ta loves but I think I’ll manage. I personally would not recommend Plenty of Fish to anyone genuinely looking to date. However, if you want to feel like a piece of meat in a sex market then dive right in! I have thankfully found a much better app to use and things are looking promising there… but that’s a story for a whole other day.