Before you panic or get excited, no I am not dating. The thought is flitting across my mind at the moment but I am definitely not stepping into that pool yet. I have been very open and honest on my blog about my feelings towards men and dating and having my heart broken again and again. It isn’t a nice feeling and honestly I don’t know if I really want to put myself out there to feel that again but at some point I’m sure I will but until then it would be good to stop and think about my options. There are lots of different types of dating and thanks to social media and technology there are also lots of options and ways to meet people too. Of course, dating puts a lot of pressure on two people as well right from the word go – it may not seem like it but for a lot of people, especially the older you get, a lot rides on each and every relationship. Of course there is also the option to slow things down, take the pressure off and try some casual dating too…
Casual dating was never something that appealed to me when I was younger at all. I think, as I have previously said many times, I was off in my Disney Princess fairy tale dream, looking for my prince charming and my perfect happy ever after. Well obviously that hasn’t happened has it?! I’ve got my own little Princess and a semi-okay half ending. However, that doesn’t mean my story is over and as I said I am definitely thinking about hopping back on that dating horse.
The trouble with that is that I always put so much pressure on myself – the nerves I get on a first date are unlike any other I’ve ever experienced and are even worse than when I was performing in front of 3000 people (seriously?!) I think it’s because as I said I put too much pressure on myself – I am instantly analysing myself and trying to work out if they like me, am I too fat, am I talking too much, do they really want someone with a child and a million other things? Then I am also analysing them and wondering if I fancy them, could I possibly live with them, do we want the same thing and a ridiculous amount of other thoughts. It’s mad and that is why I am definitely considering the possibility of adult dating or no strings attached dating.
There’s no harm in it and whilst I said before casual dating wasn’t really something that appealed to me when I was younger before I’ve actually just realised that I did have a “relationship” of this kind for about 6 or 7 months. We worked together and it would not have been good to publicise to everyone that we worked with that we “hung out” out of work as our lives wouldn’t have been worth living. It started out as a tipsy evening of passion and grew into a really good friendship. It was casual dating but we agreed that whilst we were being casual, we wouldn’t “be casual” with anyone else which I think is something I’d stick to even now.
I felt a bit eek when I first thought about writing this post and then I thought, well why? It’s kind of a bit of a taboo subject for women I think. Men are allowed to go out and sew their seeds, be men and date a whole string of people if they choose. However, for women it’s much less accepted and even the remotest suggestion of casual dating and they are seen as a bit of a slut which is incredibly unfair when you look at it. I was in a “casual” relationship for 6 months and it kind of fizzled out on it’s own when we each moved away but we parted on good company and during that time neither of us (as far as I am aware) were with anyone else. However, the word casual took the pressure off of us – I’d rock up to his in my joggers, hair scraped back and not a shred of make up on and it didn’t matter. I didn’t feel like I had to squeeze into my tiniest spanks, shovel on the make-up and prey that he liked me and continued to like me.
I think casual dating might definitely be something I consider in the future – having a little one to take care of, she is my main focus and I don’t want anyone coming in and disrupting that until we are both ready. Honestly with how busy my life is right now, I’m not sure I could squeeze a full on relationship in there at the moment – I often say to my married blogging buddies who ask how I get so much done when I am a single mother, that I am actually quite fortunate not to be in a relationship because as soon as Alyssa is asleep it’s just me and the laptop. However, someone to hug once in a while would be quite nice too as I don’t find my computer overly affectionate.
*This is a collaborative post.