Free Toddler Activities in the South
21st August 2018
Self-Care and Fenetic Wellbeing
24th August 2018
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It can be something so simple. I’ll be messaging a friend and then the message comes back but there is no “X” on the end. Or worse still they read the message, you know they’ve read it because you can see it’s been opened or you can see the little blue ticks. You know what those ticks mean. Yet rather than respond they go offline and silence. Now any “normal” person might not even notice or think that the non-responder is just busy and will get back to them later. However, this isn’t how I react and I hope that maybe a few others are the same as me. When this happens, I instantly begin to worry if I have done something wrong. Said something wrong. There is no logical reasoning for this it is simply the way my brain works. Unfortunately, close friends of mine know now that choice phrases of mine now include “Are you Okay with me?!” and “Have I done something wrong?!” It’s honestly quite sad really but that is the kind of worrier that I am…

a woman in a dark jacket leaning against a wall surrounded by shadows

I don’t think I have always been this way, though I can remember as far back as Year 7, worrying that I wasn’t cool enough or didn’t fit in. I faced some absolutely horrendous bullies in my time at school, the worst of which were the ones at other times I called my friends. I’d obviously try and big myself up at times to compensate or I’d try and be helpful or invaluable to them but it was never enough. There are two women on a cliff edge looking out to see. one with folded arms and the other with arms in the air. dressed warmly in jeans and thick cardigans. grey sky, green grass foggy pale blue seahonestly only 2 people I still speak to from school and only 3 from University and this has turned me into a worrier.

I worry that I try and push too hard with friends which in turn drives them away. I worry that actually I don’t have a very likable personality and people just put up with me for whatever reason that they do. I worry that by simply sending a message to a friend, I might be irritating them because perhaps I’m messaging them too much or relying on them too much. If I really and truly can’t tell if I have done something wrong, as I will sit there wracking my brain, picking on every little possible thing that could be the problem, I will finally give in and ask if everything is okay.two women and a man facing away from the camera in a car driving along a cliff road

99% of the time, they will have been busy, forgotten, be tired or be absolutely fine and tell me I am worrying for nothing which of course instantly makes me feel better but does not stop me repeating the same behaviour again in the future. I don’t know when I became such a worrier and so anxious. Finding reams and reams of messages bad mouthing me on my former best friends phone probably didn’t help – I mean surely if you can trust anyone to be okay, it would be your BFF right?

I can remember losing close friends all the way back to year 5 when my closest friend decided she’d rather hang out with the new girl than me and I was once again left on my own. Maybe it is my own fault – maybe there is something wrong with me or I try to hard. Or perhaps I just make bad decisions when it comes to friends.

I’m very lucky to have a core group of friends now who are very understanding or infact I feel so comfortable with I never have to worry which in all honesty is a revelation. However, I thought I might not be the only one out there who experiences this type of social worry or anxiety and so, as with all my posts like this, I wanted to pop on and say you aren’t alone. I feel the same and it is so hard. It is so hard not to drive people away by worrying that you are in fact driving them away. The trouble is that we do not have enough faith in ourselves as people and people that deserve friendship or love.

I don’t know if I will ever stop worrying or asking my nearest and dearest if they are okay with me? However, in the meantime, I’ll just be thankful that they humor me and my quirks.

13 Comments

  1. Emma says:

    I feel you in at least some of the ways. If I message someone I know, I feel like I am being a pest or if I have messaged them a week before I think I shouldn’t message them again as they won’t want to hear from me again so soon. I also stop replying to people or say I have to go now, not because I want to just because I think they must have had enough of my chatting by now and don’t want them to be wishing me to go away.

    I often wonder if people are actually ok with me also.

    I don’t think you are alone in your quirks at all!

  2. I always end a text with a x or sometimes xx, I recently sent a text to my physical therapist with a x wondering what he made mof that!#blogginggoodtime@_karendennis

  3. Take comfort in your core group of friends. I lost contact with all mine from school and uni and find it very isolated these days. #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Wise words and sometimes just checking in on someone can make all the difference X #ablogginggoodtime

  5. I thought I was the only person that feels this way! Mine comes because of abandonment issues created when my father left when I was 5. He would show up on occasion and promise to stay and would soon leave again.

    I am 46 years old and still remember the day in 6th grade when my group of “friends” decided that I wasn’t cool enough to be in their group! These types of things run deep!

    Through my adult life I had 1 friend I could really count on an unfortunately she died last November of Breast Cancer. I have been pretty lost since then.

    Thank you so mych for sharing this post and for being vulnerable.

    #ablogginggoodtime

  6. Rosie says:

    I am totally with you on this. I immediately get paranoid when I see those blue ticks. I have developed so many friendships over time and some have stayed for years, others have withered away. I do wonder whether I push them too hard too and out everything into that friendship. It’s a funny thing x #ABloggingGoodTime

  7. I used to be like this and also don’t speak to anyone from my school days for very similar reasons. As I’ve got older I care less though, possibly because I have less time to care! #ablogginggoodtime

  8. I used to be that way but as I got older, I realized I get busy too and don’t really care much now because I have other better things to worry about now. It gets better. 🙂 #ablogginggoodtime

  9. I used to be like this too. I’m not sure when I ‘grew’ out of it. Maybe life just became too hectic to care anymore. But I remember the ‘fear’. I remember it being exhausting.
    #ablogginggoodtime

  10. I think our best friends are the ones that get or quirks, the ones we can be completely real with, the ones that get our humour, but also understand when we struggle.

  11. Oh Katie I relate to this sooooo hard . Am currently all a dither as a particularly handsome boy hasn’t text me back….yet I know he’s seen mine . I know I’m being daft but immediately am panicking what I’ve said or done to be annoying!! It’s such hard work for us isn’t it . Like you thankfully my inner circle humour me #ablogginggoodtime

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