An Ode to Cheese…

 I don’t know if you are aware, but I absolutely frickin adore cheese! It is one of the best things ever and all it takes is a cheeky bit of Gorgonzola or a Chunk of Cheddar and I am happy. So I thought that Cheese, in all it’s wonderful glory, deserved it’s very own blog post…

 Oh cheese I do love you you’re so very fine,

You go down so lovely with a nice glass of wine.

Be it Stilton, Camembert, Cheddar or Brie,

Hundreds of cheeses and all just for me!

They come creamy and soft or hard and strong

And unlike with men you just can’t go wrong!

Oh cheese I love you so very much,

After a long day you have just the right touch!

In the dead of the night,

I creep down the stairs

Hoping that nobody finds me down there.

I reach for the handle and open the door,

The soft yellow light has such an allure!

My nose goes in first and begins to sniff

Eager to catch that first cheesy whiff

My eyes scan the fridge eager to find

The good smelly stuff with a mouldy old rind!

Some people would question, “Should you really eat that?”

“When it smells so much worse than a mangy old rat?!”

But to me it smells sweet, salty or strong,

I will keep eating and eating until it’s all gone.

 But now comes a problem, oh what shall I do,

How shall I eat them, please give me a clue!

Should I get out the crackers or some nice crusty bread,

But if I take that upstairs I’ll get crumbs in my bed!

Relish or chutney, which one should I choose,

To go with the cheese as it starts to ooze?

Hang on this is cheese, it don’t need a thing,

Just pop in your mouth and away it will zing!

I gobble it down a chunk at a time,

And stop only briefly for a small glug of wine

I look in the fridge and that’s it, it’s all gone

Two blocks and a wedge, that didn’t take long.

I creep back upstairs and return to my bed,

And drift off to sleep, thoughts of cheese in my head.

I awake in the morning to a terrible scream,

And race down the stairs… had it all been a dream?

I run into the kitchen only to find

My mum stood right there, holding a rind!

” Do you know what has happened to the cheese in the fridge?”

“It was there when I went up to bed!” So she said!

“Mummy dearest I’m sorry, I haven’t a clue?”

“Who could have eaten your great Danish Blue!”

I back away quickly and stay away for a while,

For fear that she’ll see my big cheesy smile!

Oh cheese I do love you you’re so very fine,

You go down so lovely with a nice glass of wine.

Be it Stilton, Camembert, Cheddar or Brie,

Hundreds of cheeses and all just for me!

They come creamy and soft or hard and strong

And unlike with men you just can’t go wrong!

Oh cheese I love you so very much,

After a long day you have just the right touch!