Whilst sat, running round or trying to hide my embarrassment at my friends house and inwardly wanting to scream for Alyssa to stop but outwardly remaining the perfect figure of calm and collected all I could think about was that saying…
“There are no bad children, Only bad parents!”
So if Alyssa was doing all these things she wasn’t meant to do and behaving appallingly at times, does that mean that I am a bad mother?As I said, I did remain calm with her and followed the same process we do at home with two warnings and a third meaning some time on the time out chair with her stopping each and every time before needing to be put on the chair. However, inside I was angry. I was so cross and I was thinking about that post I wrote about being “Angry Mama“ that person I really don’t like being and never wanted to be.
Well, I didn’t turn into angry mama and kept my cool, even when we got home. I knew she was having a bad day as well do sometimes. Alyssa uses her bad days as an excuse to play up which isn’t right at all but makes it more understandable. When she’d woken that morning, I had known it wouldn’t be a great day so perhaps it was my own fault for pushing her to go when she’d have been happy just resting at home. However, I’d been desperate to go. Desperate to see a friend, talk to a friend, interact with a friend and hopeful that Alyssa would make new friends of her own too. So am I a bad mother for pushing her to go, all because I wanted to go?
Two weeks ago we got to go away on a mini-holiday to Bluestone Wales (post to come) and I got to take some of my family including Nonna, Lily, Uncle Ollie and Aunty Vicky as well as Alyssa of course. We all needed a little time away to relax and the girls are so close we thought it would be wonderful for them to holiday together and it was. They enjoyed themselves immensely as did the adults. However, we still had tantrums, shoutings of NO and pure damn disobedience. Again, I was cross inside. I was cross that she was spoiling moments of a holiday I had worked hard to provide and cross that she was playing up in front of people. At one point we were in the pool with her running away which obviously could have been very dangerous considering she can’t swim and was heading deeper and deeper.
I know I was with family but I was also worried what they would think of her behaviour. There were a few gasps and looks which were to be expected. If there is no such thing as a bad child, I sit here wondering am I a really bad mother?
Truth? However much I worry about how good a mother I am, somewhere deep, deep down, buried within the sleep deprivation, expanding waistline and fifty feet of other worries I know I am not and if you’re sat here reading this wondering the same thing about yourself then I need to tell you that you aren’t either. My wise mother and a few very wise friends have said to me…
” The fact you worry about whether you are a good enough mother, means you’re already much better than you think!”
I have to say, I like this saying much better than the first. I am not a bad mother, I am merely a parent doing their best. I am raising a strong, somewhat stubborn, independent young girl who at times gets exceedingly frustrated by her own limitations and the limitations I give her for her own good and well being. This of course results in her “playing up” and pushing boundaries as a way of releasing her frustration. Yes it’s not good behaviour and yes it is annoying and upsetting and a million other things for us as parents but actually at some point, when we probably don’t even realise it, they’ll grow out of it and learn how to control and channel all these feelings and emotions that currently overwhelm them.