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3rd June 2016

You Did What?! The Disgusting Tales of a Parent!

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 Summer has finally arrived it appears… at least until this post is published and I will have jinxed it… don’t shoot me please! So…. don’t you think as parents we do a lot of weird and not so wonderful things? I mean, I am doing some things, I never ever thought I would do pre-parenthood…

Did you find that when you had a baby not only did your whole world change, but you changed too? I mean I was always a little cooky, a complete ditz and my sanity was sometimes questionable… but now?! Honestly surprised that my family hasn’t had me sectioned on occasion. Reason for this? Well, my

bubba appears to have transformed me into this weird mummy-being who at times internally looks at herself and even says out loud “What the hell are you doing/talking about?” I noticed this a while back and decided to make a list (because in case you hadn’t guessed I bloody love lists!!) about all the things I never did/had before becoming a mummy.

1. Sang about poop… or in fact sung about anything and everything in an attempt to keep the little bubba happy whilst I am performing whatever task I must! For example… using the tune of Old Macdonald had a Farm, sing as follows: “Little Lyssy did a poop, poopy poopy poop! And little Lyssy’s stinky poop, was a little green! With a wipe wipe here, and some cream cream there, here a wipe there some cream, mummy is about to scream! Little Lyssy did a poop, poopy poopy poop!” This is all done whilst maintaining some weird clown like grin on my face! Family members have appeared at the door before and the general response is… “What the hell are you on?!” That would be lack of sleep coupled with a healthy dose of I need a bath!

2. Domestic Semi-Goddess… I never knew how quickly I could move my way through the house doing housework. I have now mastered the act of

 getting everything I need to get done finished in approx. 30 minutes! Of course, by everything, I mean anything that is noticeable should someone pop in unannounced! By done, I mean so that you wouldn’t notice that it hadn’t been touched (like dust arouuuunnnnddd the vases!)

3. It’s edible right… Okay so you’re feeding your baby in a public or a generally clean place and suddenly they spit a piece of their food out and chunks of it appear on them, their bib or the surrounding area. You try and pop the morsel of food back into their mouth… but they don’t want it anymore despite their request for it mere seconds before. Then you realise their is nowhere to put it, so what do you do? You eat it… their regurgitated food.

4. Ooo I can see another… I never thought I would have such a fascination with bogies but if one even dares to stick it’s ugly neck out of my bubbas nose I am having it. Not only that, if I do manage to capture said bogie I am rather pleased with myself as I will have had to wrestle my child to retrieve it! Don’t get me started in ear wax….!!

5. Sooo Pretty…. My daughter gets compliments all the time about how nicely she is dressed or how pretty she is or how well turned out. Then people turned to me take a quick glance and either move swiftly on or ask “And…. How are you?!” That is because as parents, as long as our kiddies look okay 99% of the time we leave 5 mins to get ourselves close to being presentable. Questionable stains made by baby on clothes are okay as long as they aren’t too noticeable. The comfy bra you love wearing, that you continually wear isn’t walking out the room by itself yet so that should be good for another day or two as well. Hey, we may be disgusting but our kids look great!

There you have it folks, a few of the weird, warped and completely gross things we as parents have to deal with… and that’s before they can even move and talk. Next up… holding their hand whilst they try and get a big poop out….YAY!

What disgusting things have you had to deal with?

That’s all from Alyssa and I for another week. Don’t forget to head over to The Baby & Toddler show and see what amazing exhibitors you can expect to appear this year!

Any exhibitors attending  The Baby & Toddler Show this year who would like their products featured in a weekly blog post, pop me an email to admin@mummyinatutu.co.uk

Anyone looking for tickets for this years Baby & Toddler show head over to the website here for all the details

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