#LuckyLinky Week 30
9th October 2017
Pesto Tomato & Mozzarella Veggie Chicken
10th October 2017
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It can be really hard being perky all the time. In fact so hard that I’m not sure anyone could manage it 100% of the time surely? I’m often asked if there is something wrong when I’m not bouncing off the walls with happiness and fairy dust, but even I need some downtime sometimes from being all sunshine and daisies. Actually, since experiencing (and still living through) the exhaustion of parenthood, people have asked me less and less if I’m okay probably due to the matching 4 piece set of suitcases that I carry around permanently underneath my eyes. Thing is though, we do still need people asking us if we’re okay and if everything is going well because the thing about a smile is that it can often hide a multitude of things such as fear, sadness, worry, anxiety and depression to name but a few. I find myself strong and buoyant for my friends and family and ready to charge in with supportive words of wisdom when their own self doubt or worry creeps in and yet for myself, I have trouble admitting when the smile is in fact hiding something…

woman looking out at the sea. facing away from the camera

I’m not going to lie – being a professional blogger is hard work. Bloody hard work. I’m approaching my two year “blogiversary” and I’ve probably had less than 5 proper days off in that entire time. So I might be a little overworked woman sat typing on a laptpbut bare with me here. I may only have had a few days off in that time but at least that means that I have had work to do, but it still hasn’t given me the confidence in myself and my blog that often others think I must or should have.

The blogging community is very close-knit especially if you break it down in niches like Parenting, Food and Fashion where you end up finding lots of groups, particularly on Facebook or Twitter where great friendships are made and support is offered (You should read my Personal Ad: Blogger Finds Tribe about how I started Tribal Chat!) However, being such a close community has it’s downsides as well. There is almost a sort of unwritten rule really that in these private social groups we are able to share information about campaigns we’re working on, or might be getting or brands that have emailed us so that that way if anyone else is working on the campaign too we can discuss shot from above, a womans legs on a grey bed, wearing dark leggings, bare feet, with a silver laptop and one of her hands on the mouse padand share it.

Of course this does also lead to the appearance of the green-eyed monster and I’m surely not going to be the only blogger to admit to this. Yes you are happy your blogging buddy got that new campaign and wow you’re so pleased that those 5 bloggers, just like you only them, got picked for an all expenses paid trip round the world for them and their whole family but that still doesn’t alter the fact that flashing through the back of your mind is…. what about me?

I’ve been so fortunate that for the past year, I haven’t really had to chase any work – it has all found me. By that I computer on a bedmean that I have cultivated relationships with brands and PRs so much so that I haven’t needed to go looking for work because it has come directly to me, my inbox with me also filling out the odd Facebook request every once in a while. However, at the moment things are quiet and it seems like they are just quiet for me. I know that that’s not true but that’s how it feels. There is a constant gushing of bloggers talking about what they’re currently working on and all I can say is “Wow – Congrats” (because in some groups we’re not allowed to write “wow wish it was me” because apparently that detracts from the glory the original poster of said amazing news will be feeling!”

After nearly two years, 600+ blog posts, thousands of comments, views, followers, I still wonder if I’m good enough?! I still wonder that if this whole time I have been working as a blogger has been one massive fluke and I’ll soon be seen for the fake I am and have to go ad rejoin the “real world.” I like my world right now. I like where I am. I love what I do. Yes, if I’m honest I could do with a few more days off but so could everyone couldn’t they? But what if that’s it? What if my career as a blogger is drawing to an end? Apart from anything else, I’ve just bought my domain for the next two years so that would be a little bit annoying!

woman laptop work blog coffee computer phone

I’m not looking for reassurance and I’m definitely not looking for praise or smoke to be blown up my rear end or anyone else’s. As with all my personal posts, this rambling nonsense is for me. It’s also for anyone else out there who thinks they might be failing. That they might not be good enough anymore. That perhaps they were just too small a fish for that big pond. What should we do? Well, we’ll keep on fighting. Right to the bitter end. We’ll keep on saying our “Ooo wow well dones” to the the other bloggers whilst rapidly hitting refresh and checking our spam folders to try and find the emails that surely went astray on their way to our inboxes. We’ll paint on that smile and when people ask, “Are you ok?” We’ll answer simply,”I’m fine.”

 

16 Comments

  1. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with confidence, hun. Just remember that you build up this blog from nothing, and now you run your own business that allows you to stay home with your daughter. You also created a lovely blogging community and are well loved and respected in the blogosphere. YOU GOT THIS! #ablogginggoodtime

  2. I think I write for me too a lot of the time. Good enough is such a horrid term. I hope you feel reassured in yourself soon. xx #ablogginggoodtime

  3. Elf says:

    I’m sorry you are feeling that way. It is natural that we go through these things, they are all experiences and I hope that you will move through this experience and on to another positive one soon.

    #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Kamsin says:

    I’m so impressed that you’ve been blogging for two years and acheived so much in that time! I think we all go through seasons, maybe you’re in a down season now. If work has slowed down, maybe it’s because you do need a break. But just because things have slowed down now doesn’t mean they won’t pick up again. Rest. Recharge. And wait and see what the universe has in store for you!!!

    #ablogginggoodtime

  5. Oh Katie it made me sad reading your words as I don’t think you realise how talented you are and what you have achieved in such a short space of time. I think the blogging journey is tough at times, because it’s a one man band and keeping spirits and hope high is a fighting battle. Hope you feel better about it soon lovely xx #ablogginggoodtime

  6. The Pramshed says:

    That is totally true Katie and you must just keep on going. Forget about the bloggers who have got the all expenses trip around the world, think about what you have done, and look back and feel proud. I know you don’t want anyone to tell you, but you have done exceptionally well over the past two years. Claire x #ablogginggoodtime

  7. jodie filogomo says:

    Man…it’s like we are on the same journey, because I’ve been totally feeling this way. And you are so good to admit it, because I always think I’m failing when I feel this…
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    #ablogginggoodtime

  8. Aleena says:

    I think the confidence thing hits most of us at some point, doesn’t it?! I guess it’s just about getting back up and dusting ourselves off. I’d love to get to a point where I didn’t have to constantly pitch for work haha!! #ablogginggoodtime

  9. Lexie says:

    I feel you, mama. It’s a very saturated market, and it can be hard when you have to think about “what makes me any better than anyone else??” all the time in order to build your blog.
    You don’t need to be perky all the time for our sake. Just let it out! We can all relate at some point I’m sure.

  10. Tammymum says:

    I don’t think you’re alone in this. I have this internal battle all the time, it’s not nice but somewhere deep down I believe in me so I keep going, just like you. You know how highly I think of you and everything you have achieved so keep going lovey, don’t give up you’re actually an inspiration to lots of us! I hope the wobble passes soon xx #ablogginggoodtime

  11. I agree with Sarah – you are an inspiration to so many of us in the blogger community – and I don’t think you fully realise how much lots of us look up to you! You have been prolific over the last 2 years and those big trips etc will come to you I’m sure of it. Much love xx #ablogginggoodtime

  12. Wow I can’t believe you have done as much as you have in only 2 years! Seriously you must work so hard and should be so proud of yourself! We all get insecure about our abilities, I think us creative types question ourselves a lot! Remember though that people follow you for a reason and that is because they love you and only you can be you so keep going and know how fab you are!

  13. Debbie says:

    Hi Katie, whatever we do in life there are ups and downs. Parenting, working and just being all bring their confidence highs and lows, don’t you find? You are a successful blogger, who has worked hard to get where you are now. You will get your confidence back.

    Thank you for hosting #ablogging good time.

    xx

  14. Jaki says:

    A quiet patch always brings out the negativity in me. Whenever this happens I always think that my luck has run out. I’m starting to think that this is completely normal and it’s posts like this that help us all when we get to this stage. Thank you for sharing it. Keep smiling. #ablogginggoodtime

  15. Whatever job or career we follow there will be moments of self doubt and jealousy. It is all part of it. The important point is to remember why you are doing what you are doing and what makes you love it. Don’t worry about what is going on around you. You and you are your values are the only things that matter. #ablogginggoodtime

  16. Helena says:

    It sounds like you are experiencing a right roller coaster #ablogginggoodtime

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