#ABloggingGooodTime Week 54
22nd June 2017
spatulas and chopping boards with linky name
Welcome to #FOODIEFRIDAY Week 41
23rd June 2017

When You Feel Invisible

I’m fast approaching two years in the blogging world and honestly couldn’t now imagine my life without it. The past few weeks, my blog has had to go on hold due to moving house, finding ourselves almost homeless at one point and then due to a lack of internet (thank you to my wonderful new neighbours for lending me their Wi-Fi code!!) I thought I’d welcome the break and at first it was nice not needing to be chained to my computer so much and a slave to any sort of schedule and then I did. I started to miss it. It felt like I had gone back to a time when I never blogged and just kept my thoughts, feelings, opinions and rants to myself or a car journey with my mother. Something else blogging has given me is friends. Friends whom I totally and utterly adore – they make me laugh, give me virtual hugs when I cry and I feel like we’re raising our children all together despite the fact that more than half of us have never met. One of my wonderful blogger friends, whom I have written posts for before, has inspired me once again to tap away when she came to me the other night saying that she might give up all together. What has brought this on? Probably an accumulation of things which I think was cemented by the arrival of the blogging awards season once again…

computer on a bed

This time last year, I discovered that there was such a thing as blogging awards and I went to town. Shared the link everywhere, begging everyone and anyone I knew to vote/nominate me. My blog was  6 months old but I didn’t care as I was just

woman with her head in her hands crying

going for it. I was thrilled (and obviously not surprised) when I discovered I had been nominated in several categories for the different awards and so went to town once again begging, pleading and bribing for votes. Then the finalists lists came out and my world came crashing down. I hadn’t made a single one. I wasn’t a finalist in anything. I was just a nothing. You know what I did? I sat there and I cried.

How silly is that? Had I honestly expected that at six months old my blog would be winning a million and one prizes and did it really matter if it  did or not? I also found it extremely difficult to be happy for my lovely friends who had made it to the finals – I was jealous and I wanted to be them. It took me racing back to my school days when despite my capabilities and suitability I never got to do anything at school – form rep, sports events I was good at, prefect, head girl and the answer came back to me simply not being popular enough. I was putting everything into my blog and I still wasn’t popular enough?! What more did they want, blood?!shot from above, a womans legs on a grey bed, wearing dark leggings, bare feet, with a silver laptop and one of her hands on the mouse pad

I of course got over myself, buried my green-eyed monster under a mountain of applause for my lovely blogger friends who did in fact end up winning and my blog carried on. In fact, it didn’t just carry on it went from strength to strength and became my job. My life. My outlet and actually my closest friend. So, when a few weeks ago the blogging awards season opened and began I made the most random decision at all. I decided not to enter. I wasn’t going to campaign. I wasn’t going to ask for votes. I would vote for others and enter into the spirit but I wasn’t going to put myself forward – and you know what I couldn’t be happier.

Don’t get me wrong, if I had received an email the other day when the other finalists had telling me I’d been shortlisted, I’d probably have done a naked run round my garden screaming like a banshee before promptly bursting into tears (an excellent reason not to vote for me in future if you need one) and been so ecstatically happy that I’d have burst. However, I’m okay. Yes, as my friend put it, an award would be the icing on top of the blogging cake as would the copious amounts of prosecco I’d drink at the awards but not having one is okay too.

My blogging friend who is thinking of giving up said that the awards season, or lack of for her, made her feel invisible and wonder what she is doing. Why is she bothering? What is she blogging for? I know exactly how she feels because I felt the same last year. It is so bloody hard because 99% of us need validation in our lives. I’m sorry but it’s true in some aspect or another and what could be more validating than acknowledgment that what you spend your time doing makes a difference. It has an effect on the people that it reaches. Let me tell you my friend as I have told you before. You matter. You matter not just to me but to every single person who reads your blog. Who comes searching for answers, understanding, friendship and everything in between. Yes, an award would be the cherry on the top, but with all that ice cream, chocolate sauce and sprinkles you don’t actually need the cherry because you have everything else.

a top shot of a bowl of icecream with wafers and chocolate sauce

In this years finalists list, I am so proud to call so many of the bloggers my friends and a lot my tribal buddies and could not be more proud of them or pleased for every single person who made that list. I wish you all huge huge amounts of luck for the awards and hope you enjoy the ceremony and party too. I’ve cast my votes and am so glad I don’t have to make the final decision as I’d never be able to choose between you.
For those who didn’t make that list, please don’t despair. Don’t feel invisible and DON’T feel unpopular. Did you start writing your blog just to receive an award?! I doubt it. Whether you had 5 readers or 5000 doesn’t matter your blog matters because it matters to you. You are not invisible and you are very much heard. Sometimes you may step back into the shadows but there is always room for you to step out again. Don’t go away. Stay. Blog and know that you may not get the cherry this year but you get to have the ice cream, chocolate sauce and sprinkles too and that’s pretty damn good too!

 

48 Comments

  1. Tim says:

    What you describe is a very human reaction and completely understandable. It’s a shame, really. Awards season should be a celebration of the best of blogging and an inspiration to find and follow in the footsteps of some great blogs. Sadly, though, it often brings out the darker side of the community, People campaign aggressively to the point where everyone gets annoyed. (There’s a fine line between publicising your cause, which is fine, and being spammy.) Others think awards are just popularity contests or fixed by the judges or a waste of time, which makes them sound bitter and jealous (even if they’re not). People who are shortlisted get accused of false modesty when they try not to brag about being a finalist. People who aren’t shortlisted feel worthless – which when you think about it is ridiculous, because obviously we can’t all be the best blogger ever.

    But ultimately winning an award doesn’t suddenly make your blog ‘better’. If you enjoy it and you have readers who enjoy it, that’s what matters. I’ve been blogging for 10 years. I love what I do. I know I’m a pretty decent writer but equally I know that publishers aren’t falling over themselves to offer me a book deal. And that’s okay. Winning an award would be lovely, of course, but it doesn’t affect my self-worth.

    • Mummy in a Tutu says:

      I think you are brilliant Tim with or without an award. Think we all get a bit swept away sometimes with it all. Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂

  2. What would your new neighbours actually think if you got nominated and run around the garden starkers! I am totally with you on this Katie and your reward is the friends, the job, the family time, who needs the pressure and angst that comes with awards and I think you get that. If i know your friend I hope they can come through the disappointment of the ‘awards’ as they truly matter to the people that matter.
    I started the year thinking I might ask for votes but my life has taken over and I do the bare minimum of blogging now. Much love X

  3. Kate says:

    Great post. It would be a shame if people only blogged for awards (and they would all end up being the same- to fit the criteria of the award rather than coming from the heart of the writer). #ablogginggoodtime

  4. Emma says:

    I second what Tim says. I am still surprised that I won a blogging award and it is very lovely and nice to have won one but has anything changed? Nope. Has blogging made me rich? Nope. So why do I blog? Because I fricking love it! I think awards season is a bit of a no win situation and can understand how it can bring people down. I didn’t want a part of it this year as I just wanted to enjoy writing free from pressure. But I was gutted to see that two people who I was sure would make the list didn’t! They should have been there but then again there are so many good blogs and vlogs out there that it’s hard and not everyone can make the list. I do remember getting very cross when some people implied that awards are a fix because that takes away from those that have won. We need to remember that awards season is just a bit of fun and essentially it means nothing. Leo didn’t win an Oscar for years and he should have got one long before he did! ps I seem to have left an essay. Sorry. I should have just put GREAT POST 😉 It is a great post!

  5. liz Deacle says:

    loved this. Especially today when I’m feeling particularly shit about bogging… thank you for making me feel better.
    #ablogginggoodtime

  6. I think I needed to read this right now and a lot of other people will need it to. You’re absolutely right as well. Thanks for writing this xx

  7. Cookie says:

    Love this Katie xxxx

    You know how I feel about the whole awards thing (bitter and twisted ?) but I’ve learned not to care now.

    Winning that tribal award meant so much to me though as I loved each one of the blogs/bloggers involved.

    But I am rooting for the finalists that I know.

    • Mummy in a Tutu says:

      Awww thanks for reading cookie. I think you’re bloody brilliant but we can secretly be bitter and twisted together xx

  8. I don’t know where to start. You don’t need me or anyone to tell you this but anyway your blog is amazing. You know what gets me in this whole blog awards thing (and blogging in general)? The whole comparison thing. The successful blogger thing, hell you even run a series on that. We look at award winners and think they’re successful (as a winner I can hand on heart say it doesn’t make me feel any more successful. The crippling self doubt is ALWAYS there and dark blog days are too frequent. Not a pity party comment, just my experience and that of a fellow winner last year who had writer’s block for 2 months afterwards!). Meanwhile I look at you and your incredible organisation, daily posting, brands etc and you you YOU are the success my dearest Katie.
    Compare and despair. So accurate.
    I do have to agree with every word Tim and Emma said too.
    xx

  9. What a great way to put it all into perspective!
    The awards can be nice, but it’s all very subjective, right?
    i think we all feel invisible at times, whether it’s our blog or even us as a person…..
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    #ablogginggoodtime

  10. Tubbs says:

    Agree. Very few people start blogging to win awards, get freebies etc. But when we find out these things exist we all kind of go nuts …

  11. I have never entered myself into those blogging awards, I just don’t see the point. Why welcome despair when you inevitably fail? That’s my philosophy anyway!
    Truly though, blog because you want to – not for the awards. Like you said, people read no matter what. 🙂
    #ablogginggoodtime

  12. Jaki says:

    Ah this is great. And probably what a lot of people need right now. I did put myself up but am a bit of a pessimist so wasn’t surprised in the slightest when I didn’t get an email! There’s so many great blogs out there. It’s impossible for all of us to get recognition. Besides. Like you say, that’s not why we do it. #ablogginggoodtime

  13. Heidi Brown says:

    I generally feel invisible most of the time haha, like today I was trying to squeeze through the corridor at nursery and someone practically walked on me, that’s what you get when your small, quiet and shy. To be honest, I would be surprised if my blog grew much more than it has, but its a hobby I enjoy it, who needs awards!

    • Mummy in a Tutu says:

      as long as you enjoy it – that is what matters xx Ouch to being walked on tho!

  14. Totally agree and love this post Katie. Awards season brings out the worst in me sometimes as I feel that we all put so much into our writing that to not be recognised feels like a kick in the teeth even though it shouldn’t. I agree with what everyone has said in the comments above!

    • Mummy in a Tutu says:

      awww thanks so much for reading Min. Appreciate it. Love your blog – you got all the icecream lovely x

  15. I think it is actually completely natural to feel the way you did. Anyone would have have! But what I can say is you should be very proud of what you have achieved in such a short amount of time! Keep going!

    Amina xx | http://www.aliandher.com

  16. When we put so much work into our blogs it is natural I think to want some recognition. I feel I get most recognition from the lovely comments left by people on my blog. But I do feel invisible! I love writing and the fact that I am helping to raise awareness of autism but I am not sure if all the hard work and time is really worth it any more. Perhaps I am just running out of things to say?! Thank you trot being a friend ?

  17. Lucy At Home says:

    Awards season is tough. Last year, my blog was only a few months old so I didn’t bother entering. This year, I put myself forward but, with my blog a complete secret from my “real life” friends, I had very little chance of being a finalist because I didn’t have people I could ask to vote for me.

    The problem with awards is that blogs come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Just because they are all “parenting blogs” or “food blogs” doesn’t mean that they are comparable and the judges will have their own ideas about what they’re looking for. There are some linkies I join where I am NEVER chosen as a featured post, and some where I am chosen a lot – it all depends on the tastes of the person making the call.

    There are a few finalists that I’m thrilled about and I agree deserve to be there, some that I’ve never heard, of some bloggers that I think should be there but aren’t. But that’s down to my tastes too.

    Great post and one that’s sparked lots of discussion (and sorry for my long, rambly comment!). #ablogginggoodtime

  18. Such an honest post and totally agree with need validation. X #ablogginggoodtime

  19. Thats such a great post. As a newish blogger, I am in awe of some of you lot! Even though everyone I have “met” online (look away my teens) has been super friendly, I am still like a new kid on the block and love reading different posts. This post makes me realise even more how tricky blogging can be but also how lovely it can be. I often read your blog and i love it! Keep it up! #blogginggoodtime

    • Mummy in a Tutu says:

      awww thank you so much. welcome to blogland sweetheart – I am so glad you are loving it xx

  20. I totally agree with you. I really like your analogy of the ice cream, it’s just the cherry on top everything else is much more important. : )

  21. Well said! It can be hard when awards time comes around – while I’ve never canvassed for votes, I have to admit that an award would be nice! That being said, I didn’t get into blogging for awards or recognition – I don’t think anyone does. When I’m feeling a bit unsure about it all, I find that taking some time out helps put things back into perspective. #ablogginggoodtime

  22. Fran says:

    Well look at all the comments people have left; if that isn’t a sign of being a success then what is?

    Loved the post. I think it’s worth pointing out that this is not just relevant to blogging (although bloggers are perhaps more vocal). There are awards in every type of job; even parking wardens get a yearly Parking Awards ceremony. It’s a nice excuse to get dressed up and have a night out and to feel like what you do actually matters for an evening.

    I thoroughly enjoy the awards, win, lose or not nominated, I’ve been all three! Has winning changed my life? Categorically not. Was it fun? Yes! Do I think it makes me the best blogger ever? Obviously not. Is it annoying when people write it off as rubbish and campaigning? A little. Even if it’s all rubbish and I only won because I got my mum to vote for me it’s still then only thing I’ve actually achieved since giving up my career – where I was useful and important – in the pursuit of raising children. Give me that eh? ?

  23. Fran says:

    Also I love your honesty. Last year you were the only person I saw who said you were disappointed as opposed to ‘well they’re rubbish didn’t want one anyway’. It was before I knew you and I thought well of you for it!

    • Mummy in a Tutu says:

      aww thank you sweet for both your comments. I was so pleased for you when you won and am just as pleased and proud for you being nominated this year!! xx

  24. Katie this is such an honest post and your reaction last year was perfectly natural. The success of your blog is beyond doubt. It is your living and you have had some great opportunities and collaborations and you have a loyal following. For all of us our blog is our little area of the world where we can indulge our passions and engage with kindred spirits and that for me is the most valuable part of this whole blogging process. #ablogginggoodtime

  25. Nicole says:

    What a great perspective! I feel pretty much the same way. I did nominate myself and ask friends to nominate me too, but I didn’t campaign very hard. I was a little disappointed when I wasn’t short listed, but I didn’t really think I would be. I’m not nearly as well known as some of the other bloggers out there, so it stands to reason that others would get more votes. I’m very happy for the bloggers I know who have been short listed. I hope your friend doesn’t quit! #ablogginggoodtime

  26. Oh I don’t know what to say other than I really agree with so much that has been said here. Tim, Emma, Prabs and Fran share my feelings too. We don’t blog for awards. I blog because I love to write. It’s my little place that I can go and lose myself and escape for a while – I need that escapism. Yes, it’s lovely to get recognition. Yes, I have got a warm fuzzy glow but it’s not why I write but I know that you know that about me xx I did love this post and your honesty is just beautiful. Don’t change lovely xx #ablogginggoodtime

  27. Aleena says:

    I’ll admit I was mildly disappointed not to receive an email, but I think I got over it pretty quickly… It would be nice, but it’s just not the be all is it? If I’m honest, I think I ‘m more jealous about missing the party haha! #ablogginggoodtime

  28. I asked for nominations but don’t actually think I got any! 🙁 But then if I had got anywhere I would have been in a total panic as I’m so shy! #ablogginggoodtime

  29. msmamabean says:

    Thanks for the encouragement and putting things into perspective. It’s so true when you say we may sometimes be hidden in the shadows but that’s ok, we should persevere if this is what we love doing. #ablogginggoodtime

  30. I didn’t put myself forward as I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere and didn’t want to have my own doubts confirmed. Self preservation I guess, but maybe next year I’ll take the leap! #ablogginggoodtime

  31. All the emotions you describe are human. Normal. You are a great blogger! A great writer! I haven’t been blogging for even a full year yet, but I get the whole validation and recognition aspect of it. We want to be seen, to be noticed, to be recognised. It hurts when we’re not – it is exactly like being back to school!
    #ablogginggoodtime

  32. Crummy Mummy says:

    I think it’s so important to remember why you started blogging in the first place – for you. Not for anyone else, for you! #ablogginggoodtime

  33. I love this! It can be hard seeing other bloggers getting awards sometimes, but we made a decision early on not to chase them. Like one of the previous posts said, it means everyone’s fitting a template, or playing politics for something that’s not coming from the heart. I also like the ice cream analogy! And to remember why we started blogging in the first place. Great post x #ablogginggoodtime

  34. Laura B says:

    A great article and I definitely get it! I think I know who you are writing for and they do deserve an award! In fact the problem is so many do!! There are so many fabulous parent bloggers. Well done for not letting it get to you this year!

  35. I didn’t put myself forward because I just know I’m no where near some of those that are shortlisted, my blog is only a year and I’m not dedicated enough to it yet. It’s a funny old thing this awards season and the self doubt and jealousy that it causes. Fab post hun x