Slimming World Decadent Half Syn Dessert!
10th May 2017
#ABloggingGooodTime Week 48
11th May 2017

Men Vs. Women. MBlogger Vs. DBlogger: Cut The Crap!

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I’m a scroller. It’s what I do. On the odd occasion when I have answered all the notifications on my phone I’ll log onto Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and I will scroll. I picked up the really great skill of being able to speed read which means I can read a lot as I scroll through and if something catches my eye, I will stop and read the full post, comment and interact and then go back to scrolling. I swear without this  skill I’d never know anything that was going on outside of my own house and work. So there I was scrolling, minding my own business, when a comment jumped out at me and caused me to stop. To quote the exact wording, “Woah, looks like the women police are out in force today!” The comment was made by a man (whom it so happens is also a blogger) on the thread of another male bloggers post.  This blogger had posted about giving his child something because he had been so good. Underneath the original post, a woman happened to comment that she thought said blogger did not reward his children with food and that he had previously mentioned that this particular food was banned anyway. These were apparently cryptic words that in fact had the hidden meaning of “Let the battle of the sexes COMMENCE!”…

couple yelling at each other

I don’t get it. I honestly don’t. How by questioning something she thought she knew about said daddy blogger did she warrantpolice woman with a yellow high visibility jacket on and a black police hat on standing in the street a sexist remark like that?! The daddy blogger who originally posted the thread commented saying he was sorry for the misunderstanding and that he had worded it badly and answered the woman’s query calmly and politely. This was then followed by a load more men jumping on board saying things like “You don’t need to explain to her!” “Don’t apologise to that woman it’s your life man!” “Bloody women think they know it all!” “This is a Dad’s blog – go back to the mummy bloggers!”

WOAH! I mean just WOAH! Since when did it become  Mummy Blogger vs. Daddy Blogger and when, WHEN was it that women were only supposed to read mummy blogs and men were only supposed to read the daddy ones?! Holy crap, if that’s the case I have several fines coming my way for wrongful blogging behaviour. Surely there is enough crap like this going on in the world without it moving into the blogging community too?! Yes there are separdark haired girl in pink top and fair haired boy in orange top gritting teeth and arm wrestling. boy looking at cameraate mummy groups, daddy groups, mummy blogger and daddy blogger groups but that doesn’t mean we are enemies or competitors! Surely these separate groups are created because the other people in them can offer direct and specific support that a more general group may not; they are not created in order to build and form an army against the other group are they? If so, I missed the memo that told me I needed to order my bazooka!

The comment about the “Women police are out in force” I felt was totally unwarranted and unnecessary and no that is not because I am a woman and defending another woman. If the woman had written horrible and vile things towards the daddy blogger that were impolite, rude and inapplicable I would be defending him instead. Do you know what the worst thing is though in this whole situation?! It’s me. I am the worst person in this scenario because I did worse than name calling or making sexist remarks or using abusive language. I did nothing. I read it. I screenshot it. I felt sorry for the woman. I felt sorry for the dad blogger. I felt angry against the men ganging up on the woman with their many many comments but I did nothing.woman sat typing on a laptp

There was a time when I would have dived straight in, feet first, said what I thought and stood beside this woman and dad blogger and defended what both of them were saying. However, I didn’t. I was too scared. I was too scared of having the focus of these remarks turned upon me and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it if I am honest. I know these people mean nothing to me and that their comments would be said out of anger and would really when it comes down to it mean nothing but I didn’t want to read them. I didn’t want to think that there would be people out there feeling venomtwo men arms round each other smiling at camera holding a glass and a bottle of wineous towards me. I am not in the business of being a blogger so that everyone likes me – I know that is an impossible feat and I have faced my own fair amount of trolling, but I sometimes feel that my blog is my sort of armor and in this situation I would have been without it. In hindsight I actually think it was a good idea not to have said anything because I am pretty sure I would have aggravated the situation and ended up being caught in a full on battle of the sexes.

What concerns me is that perhaps the men in question are not the only ones to have this opinion. Perhaps there are more men and women out there who feel this sort of anger, resentment dare I say even hatred towards the other sex and it needs to stop. Surely we have enough problems within our government and governing bodies around the world without creating ones of our own. Whether men like it or not, in a lot of situations women are still treated as the inferior of the species and this isn’t fair. We are not asking for more than men we merely want the same. If a man had questioned the morals of the two women and a man facing away from the camera in a car driving along a cliff roaddaddy blogger what would have happened? Would the man have commented with “Bloody hell men police out today?!” or would he have said “Fair point you got there mate!” or would he simply have said nothing at all?!

This isn’t the only time I have witnessed men versus women on social media and it is becoming more and more apparent amongst bloggers too. Yes being a daddy blogger is different from being a mummy blogger; they have a “d” and wehave an “m” but actually we are all just sodding parenting bloggers. Some of us write posts specifically directed towards mums or dads because that is who the post is aimed at or who may benefit from it the most. However, just because it is aimed at a specific audience that doesn’t mean we are disregarding all other bloggers,  audiences, human beings… it just means that that particular post would appeal to people who happened to like fried green tomatoes.

woman laptop work blog coffee computer phone

So please, if you’re scrolling, writing, reading, posting… think about what you are writing and reading. You have every right to defend yourself, defend your morals and beliefs and of course come to the defense of others but why not do it in a way that doesn’t degrade and humiliate your opposition. Why not try putting it in a calm and rational way that will spark a conversation and healthy debate (like perhaps in a blog post…see what I did there) rather than the beginnings of World War 3. Bloggers have enough of a raw deal as it is; we are constantly fighting and justifying what we do to the outside world and striving to be thought of as more than scroungers looking for a freebie, so get down off your high horse and support each other, build each other up rather than stepping on each others shoulders to reach the top first. As for men and women…I have a strong, independent daughter who I will encourage to do and be anything she wants to be when she grows up. I will also encourage her to be an equal and to treat others as equals. Think of the examples we are setting for our children and before you hit enter ask yourself, would you be happy for your child to have written or read what you just wrote?!

It’s not about men vs. women or mummy blogger vs. daddy blogger. Let’s cut the crap  and just be us!

dark haired girl in pink top and fair haired boy in orange top gritting teeth and arm wrestling. boy looking at camera

37 Comments

  1. Totally agree. Such a shame that in life women and men are so often pitted against each other. But yes in blogging it would be nice if parent bloggers were just that. Like you say there’ll be some content from both mother and father writers that is more relevant/appeals more to specific people but that doesn’t have to dissolve into antagonistic behaviour within it all. You articulate it really well in a very kind way to all I think.

  2. Laura Brittain says:

    Well said Katie!! Sone people will find any excuse to have an argument but it is completely unnecessary and quite frankly rude. Parents are parents. Mummies will disagree with mummies, daddies will disagree with daddies and mummies and daddies will disagree with each other but why should someone disagree purely because they are the opposite is nothing short of petty, immature and vile. About time someone stood up and said enough is enough!! Well done you!

  3. Tammymum says:

    I don’t blame you for not saying anything lovey. I appreciate why you wouldn’t and I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Personally I think it is like the playground for ‘adults’. For those who don’t have teens yet, when they do they will trying to teach their kids about the way to behave on social media, and it won’t be telling them to have a dig, make unkind, rude or offensive remarks. Just because you are an adult doesn’t make it OK. I think people need to remember that when it comes to social media! xx

  4. Ellen says:

    Love this. It’s so unnecessary and petty, and I think there are many aspects of life where women are still treated markedly differently to men. I know lots of people feel in the workplace that women are often seen as bossy or ballbreakers while men are applauded for being assertive and high achievers. Sad, really.
    And I don’t think I’d have said anything either as it’s too easy to get sucked into a massive debate!!

  5. I don’t see why there needs to be division between dad and mum bloggers – we’re all just parents, aren’t we? Yes, we may write posts that are more relevant to one parent or the other, but at the end of the day, we have more in common than differences. And I don’t blame you for staying out of that internet debate – sometimes it’s not worth it to get dragged into someone else’s online drama.

  6. Stephanie says:

    Wow, that’s disappointing. I would have done nothing too, but only because I think fighting on the internet solves nothing and creates unnecessary drama and bad feelings in conversations that would never happen face-to-face. There is something to be said for defending someone, but I find that on the internet, it’s usually a futile effort. It is, however, disappointing. I purposely wanted to start a parenting blog because the community has been so much more friendly than other communities that I had been a part of, and you are supposed to enjoy the company of the people in your community. Sadly, the reason I did not enjoy the other community I was a part of was also because of misogynistic comments. #ablogginggoodtime

  7. Oh my word how sad. Makes me want to walk away from it all and go back to living my beautiful private life – not sure why I keep doing it some days to be honest!#ablogginggoodtime

  8. Jenni says:

    I can’t believe this is happening, I didn’t realise there was such a divide! #ablogginggoodtime

  9. Good for you. This is a great post. Let’s face it, there are far more mom blogs than there are dad blogs. And whoever these dad bloggers were, they really did not need to attack that poor woman. Whoever they are, if they don’t want women reading their dad blogs, they should just say so. Ridiculous. Hopefully they represent a very small proportion of the dad blogger group.
    #ablogginggoodtime

  10. I just read this funnily enough before remembering today is BGT linky day and have shared on my FB (I’ll probably link next week though as snowed under this week.) Anyway, how sad. How pointless. How unnnecessary. When will this ‘pounce on women with ridiculous sideswipes’ ever end?! Women police ffs. Fair enough there ARE (apparently as I don’t go near Mumsnet anymore) women who give it all a bad name with the heated chat threads I hear about. But if the tables were turned and a female had posted that food/child post and a dad blogger had made the comment based on a previous food/discipline convo they’d had, it wouldn’t DAWN on me to wade in making dumb arse comments about men police. Eff’s sake! You make excellent points here. Sadly Katie my dear, the ones who need to get the message won’t I fear. xxx

  11. Just realised my comments makes it look like I thought that was a mumsnet thread. I don’t but I just mean all those forums/social media groups xx

  12. kerry says:

    Great post! My hubby is a “daddy blogger” and we don’t compete or have any problem with each others posts/ramblings, I think in this day and age rather than mum blogger and dad blogger maybe it should just be classed as parenting bloggers.

  13. Sonia says:

    Luckily, I haven’t come across such behaviour and have a number of ‘daddy blogger’ twitter friends who maybe bring a different perspective to parenting but would class themselves as much ‘parent’ as ‘daddy’ bloggers! I think some people write things that they wouldn’t normally say out loud to someones face! This really bothers me and would put me off going to a blogging event when you actually see these people! Totally agree that we are all ‘parent bloggers’ and therefore on the same team!! xx #ablogginggoodtime

  14. Everything is battle of the sexes and it is such a shame. I get frustrated by preconceived ideas of what men and women should say or do. I am very shy and wouldn’t get invloved in a confrontation online like this but if I saw something in person I would feel obliged to speak. Context is important too. #ablogginggoodtime

  15. I did not realise this existed in the community of parent bloggers and hope none of that bad attitude come my way because I will not stand for such ridiculousness. #ablogginggoodtime

  16. Tubbs says:

    Oh good grief! If you wouldn’t say something to someone’s face in the course of a normal conversation, then why on earth would you think it’s okay to say it online …?! Key board warriors do my head in. Or maybe they do really think that mum bloggers have wandered too far from the kitchen?!

  17. Mama Grace says:

    The comments in his post sound horrific and became not about the post. I have no time for all that. #ablogginggoodtime

  18. All the drama! That whole situation sounds pretty awful and definitely not what blogging is all about. I don’t blame you for not jumping in, I wouldn’t have done. Luckily we have yet to come across this so far. #ablogginggoodtime

  19. I had no idea this was even a bloggy thing!

    #ablogginggoodtime

  20. So true!!
    But there are those that just love drama, right?
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    #ablogginggoodtime

  21. Louise says:

    Oh, wow, I didn’t know this sort of thing went on in the blogging world! I’m especially surprised that it was the men being mean, as you don’t really hear of it do you? It’s usually women who are stereotypically troublemakers LOL #ablogginggoodtime

    Louise x

  22. Aleena says:

    Well done for not getting involved – it literally can turn into a bloodbath sometimes. It’s bloody awful that anyone would gang up on anyone else like that, especially seeing as she was calling him on his own words!! Playground… #abloggingoodtime

  23. Great post. Some people really do need to just grow up. I see it from both sides, this bashing of the other sex, sometimes it winds me up, other times I just think it’s pathetic. I think you did right not getting involved, it just adds fuel to the fire x
    #Ablogginggoodtime

  24. I wouldn’t have done anything either. It would have made my blood boil, like so many comments I read on so many issues I care about, but I wouldn’t have joined in. For fear of being trolled, and also because it brings nothing to the debate, if you can call it that. It actually scares me how much resentment and anger there seems to be between genders these days. It often feels like we’re going backwards in terms of gender equality. Or maybe social media provides a platform to vent thoughts and attitudes that were thought extinct, but were only buried beneath the surface.
    #ablogginggoodtime

  25. It’s sad isn’t it, there’s enough competing going on is ‘real life’ without doing it online as well! We should all be supporting each other as bloggers. #ABloggingGoodTime

  26. Alisa says:

    Amen sister! I will say, though, I do not jump into the hater comments on threads. I’ve had to train myself to just keep scrolling when I run across those. Because I don’t need someone else’s negative energy jumping into my sphere. Especially when that person is a faceless monkey somewhere else in the ether. If I spend too long there, I get sucked into that negativity and it ruins my day. But totally agree with you about healthy debate. Unfortunately, it seems that some people say things online that they’d never dream of saying in real life because they feel protected by anonymity! #ablogginggoodtime

  27. Well said hun! There is enough going on in the world without silly social media arguments. Like someone else said, some people just like to pick a fight. I’d have stayed out of it too! #ablogginggoodtime

  28. Tim says:

    First of all, a well argued and balanced post.

    It’s sad when this sort of thing happens because it’s then easy to forget that 99% of interaction in the community is positive and supportive. It’s similar to the way football fans are tarnished as hooligans on the basis of the actions of a few.

    There are faults on both sides. As a blogger who just happens to be a dad writing about parenting (or cycling or TV or any of the many things I have previously blogged about) I’ve experienced plenty of passive-aggressive comments from mums along the lines of “you’re only a dad, what do you know?” I highlighted how uncomfortable I was at last year’s Blogfest about the unnecessary man-bashing jokes that were made in the name of ‘equality’ and ‘feminism’ – to which I received 99% supportive comments but also a few who told me to stop being so bloody sensitive and hey, isn’t this just payback for years of oppression of women by men? (Because nothing wins an argument as well as “but *you* started it”).

    Dads do get the short end of the stick when it comes to parent blogging, but that’s just life – and I have worked in plenty of groups where the male/female headcount has been reversed. At blogging conferences men are often 5-10 in number in a room of 500. It can be quite intimidating – although it has never bothered me in the slightest – especially when speakers revel in making cheap jokes at dads’ expense. As a consequence, dad bloggers can get quite defensive, lashing out when they perceive that one of their number is being attacked in a way that isn’t always productive.

    Then there are some commenters who are equal opportunities abusers – they don’t just attack dad bloggers, they attack other mums too. Some people are just nasty like that. It doesn’t bother me overly. People have a right to disagree with me – and if they want to be abusive with it that says much more about them than me.

    Anyhow, bottom line: it can be tough being a dad in what is predominantly a mum’s world. Brands tend to focus on mums over dads. Event organisers tend to focus on mums over dads. Although it shouldn’t make a difference what gender you are, the truth it is does – as it sadly still does in many walks of life. But that doesn’t mean we have to be rude. (Sorry for the essay …)

  29. Nige says:

    First up, I’m not sure I would of got involved, I have never been in any bad feeling on social media. Sometimes it’s wise to just stay quiet, so I think you did the right thing.
    There seems to be more and more of this going on nowadays, we are just parentbloggers with different views.
    I have 4 daughters and 1son and it worries me that men can behave in such a terrible way. The blogging world is getting more and more competitive and it doesn’t need to but unfortunately the bigger something gets the more people will step on each other to achieve a higher standing in blogging. Rather sad
    Well done for a fab post and I have to say I love blogs by both genders, I just love to hear people’s views

  30. John Adams says:

    Ha ha, just echoing Nigel’s thought above, I wouldn’t have got involved in any such discussion. It strikes me as poor quality debate and I have noticed this occasionally leaching into the blogger world. I certainly wouldn’t tolerate any such comments on my blog or social media profiles.

    The remark I made earlier on twitter referred specifically to blog awards open to public vote. I wasn’t suggesting dad or indeed mum bloggers should win awards, merely that when a public vote element is part of an award-giving process, dads are disadvantaged because we are a smaller community. If you look at the Digital Awards, a non-parent blogging award with no public vote, dads get represented incredibly well in its finals (yes, okay, I did win one of them!).

    Anyway, I have no desire to stoke the fire of poor debate. I enjoy mum and dad blogs equally and consider us all equals. I wish we could all apply the same standards.

  31. Such a brilliant post lovely! It’s so sad to see men and women against each other, especially with mummy and daddy bloggers. I’m with you though and stay well clear of any conflict on social media! Thanks for hosting #ablogginggoodtime x

  32. Lucy At Home says:

    It’s a real shame that these disputes still come up. I’ve had the odd comment on my blog where I’ve written something like “Us mummies” and someone has jumped in and said “What about the daddies?”. Well of course daddies will have experienced a lot of the same parenting issues too, but I am not a daddy. I am a mummy and so I am writing from a mummy’s perspective. It is not meant in anyway to disregard daddies or offend them. Let’s all stop getting so worked up about these little details! #blogcrush

  33. Completely agree, some people, both male and female, like to make any debate turn into the battle of the sexes. I’m afraid I would have to unfollow such an offender!

  34. Crummy Mummy says:

    I often write the word ‘mum’ in a post then delete it & replace it with the word ‘parent’ as I know dads as well as mums read my posts… #ablogginggoodtime

  35. I hate the mum vs dad argument, we’re both parents, it took two to tango and especially as a working mum, i see that me and Hubby have equal access to Ben. If anything he has more time with Ben as I work longer hours than him!
    With blogging it is the same concept, why shouldnt a Dad blogger be respected just as mum as us mum bloggers? our niche is “parenting” afterall isnt it? #ablogginggoodtime

  36. I understand why you chose not to get involved, the mob mentality be it men, women or a mix can be scary.
    I have seen a lot of dad blogger bashing recently, although from a small majority of feminists, but it saddened me to see other people joining in. You are very right, we need to stop labelling each other and just start seeing each other as oeople. #ablogginggoodtime

  37. Silly Mummy says:

    Well said! I must admit that I have noticed that there seem to be some issues between mum bloggers and dad bloggers pretty much ever since I first started blogging. Definitely not everyone, but I have certainly found that there are a few people determined to create a gender grievance out of everything. It really annoys me! #ablogginggoodtime

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