Even though I live in the UK, you would have to be blind not to notice what is going on in America at the moment and the presidential election! I actually quite liked Obama to be fair and although I didn’t experience the results of his actions, he has always seemed like a good president from afar. Now, do not worry, there is no way this is a political post because I know bog all about politics – however, I do know about people and what makes a decent person. So, I thought to myself, if I was running against Donald Trump, what would make me a better candidate?
1. Hair – I am sorry but if his hair isn’t fake then he needs to fire his stylist, his wig maker, his barber. My hair looks ten times better than his and I believe hair could win it for me!
2. Smile – When I smile, it has to be said, that unlike Donald Trump, I do not look like I have just sucked a lemon! I mean, how can he actually see when he smiles?!
3. Money – Okay so I may lose this point. Unfortunately, I do not possess $100 million to buy any votes or bribe or blackmail anyone into voting for me. I don’t even have enough money to buy 3 children to dress up as mini-cheerleaders and sing a song that a publicist on some sort of drug has written about me. Damn it Trump – you win this one! (I am not of course saying he does this, merely that I do not have the money to do it myself!)
4. Acting – I have a background in performing arts and so I don’t think, if I happened to get a cameo role playing myself, I would win a Razzle Worst Supporting Actor award for playing myself – unlike Donald Trump in “Ghosts Can do it!” It’s weird, because I thought politicians were supposed to be good at acting?!
5. Dating – now I know I haven’t been married and I also know that my daughter is absolutely adorable. However, I am sorry but I don’t think even if it were allowed, I would date my daughter. Apparently, if it were allowed, Donald would be dating his?! You know what, I think I may have bagged the votes on this one! Is that weird or is it just me!
6. Resemblance – Now for a lot of people, particularly Jewish people, World War 2 was an extremely difficult time. So why may I ask, is Donald Trump trying to recreate a Hitler regime within America? Maybe something to do with the Military Academy his parents sent him to at 13?! (cheers Mr and Mrs Trump!)Â I get that terrorist attacks have been horrendous, but we shouldn’t punish everyone for the mistakes of others. So I believe my lack of resemblance to Hitler and his regime could score me a few points!
7. Drink – Donald Trump doesn’t drink. At all. Donald Trump doesn’t drink at all and is still like he is. Enough said. (oh and FYI he doesn’t drink, doesn’t believe in drinking but owns his own Vodka brand…hmmm!) I, however,will enjoy a nice glass of vino with anyone!
8. Handy – To be a politician and President, surely you have to meet, greet and schmooze right? So how does Donald Trump expect to respectfully say hello, when he is a germophobe who WON’T SHAKE HANDS?!? I mean come on. It’sin all news footage, photos, clips…. everything! When a politician or in fact a human being (this may be the problem) does something, they shake hands out of respect. I myself, believe I have a marvellous handshake… care to try?
9. Trump World – So he owns the tallest residential building called Trump Towers, a waterfront mansion in Palm Beach called Trump Palace… damni it! Sorry Donald, you can’t be President because the residence already has a name and I don’t think “Trump White House” has the same ring do you?! Me, personally I’d be happy to leave it as simply “The White House” to help keep American Tradition. Who’s up for a slumber party in the Oval Office?!
10. Nob – I think this could potentially be the clincher. I have been told by some, I hope they were not lying, that I am not at all nobbish whereas from what I have seen, Donald Trump is one of the biggest Nobbers around… I may even go as far as to say Jack Ass!
So what do you reckon… Mummy in a Tutu for next American President? Or is the wig wearing lemon face going to clinch it?
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